I did something very unbecoming of me. I went to speak with a Lutheran Minister the other day. Well, I wanted to talk to someone who I could relate to in a basic manner, mostly on that of moral standing. Most interesting part of the conversation was just being able to hear myself say certain things which had been just kept inside, internalized. It wasn't a good place for them, nor for my own psyche to be dealing with them in that manner. Loosing what I strode for was certainly not the best thing for me, I lost sight of what my future should be and are now in a position where I find myself malleable to ideas.
I still have my dreams, and they will come to bear fruit soon enough with hard work, I'm sure this is a very possible thing. I certainly hope it could move along quicker, but being just one of those situations that take time certainly it cannot be rushed.
Something else was reassured to me, that one should not feel bad for those who cannot be helped. If they wanted help, then they wouldn't have done the things they did, though addicts always tend to send mixed messages, it's easier to just take everything with a grain of salt. Something about being able to let go though, gives me peace of mind. After all, it is most certainly important that I get myself through this, rather than to try and help anyone else before hand.
Still though, I will always love those people, and hold their memory very dear to my heart; though certainly, they must be kept at arms length if not greater distances. They aren't meant to be near, for as their self destructive nature cyclones around them it sucks whats near into a nucleus of most heinous destruction, nothing stands a chance.
After all, hanging around with individuals who are just bad people, no matter what your intentions are, is just bad news.
With that, I leave off for now.
Short stories, poems, among other play things. A constant work in progress. Forever changing.
