Love, Pain, Alone.

Sometimes I get tired of pretending everything is alright. That all of the people I know are wonderful and that the world is full of well meaning human beings who I have yet to meet. I often forget about the deceit, the lies, the cold shoulders that people whom I once called brother or sister have given me. It's the lack of enthusiasm to be cheated, to be used and thrown away that makes me want to crawl into a roach hotel to never come out again. It's the luster of the shit they sell that turns me off, the obvious smell of their lascivious mental encounters with the idea of fucking you over, it's what gets them off. Sick minds pay no attention to the suffering of the human spirit, it is easier to trample than it is to nurture, therefore the amount of humans who would rather see you eating dirt is greater than that of those who wish to actually help their fellow man or woman.

It's here that I find myself. Lost in thought within the crevices of my mind. Wondering what it was that made Sour Girl so sour. Was it the shitty human relations she had? Or was she just born to be a user and abuser herself. I may never know, and that is ok because some things are best left unknown.

It's here that I find myself. Wondering alone amongst the ghosts of memories. Compelled to reach out and say hello to old friends, but always reminded of their paper faces which make me quickly turn away.

I was reading over my last post, and I noticed that with the words Pain and Love you create Alone. Without the first two, the latter is non existent. It's as if language itself is telling us that to love and feel pain is the path to being alone. Because no one wants anything more than to love, and that love we all yearn for so much will undoubtedly cause pain. Once you feel that pain you realize that you have two options: You can continue to love and feel pain, or you can be alone, devoid of both, yet having such an understanding that one would purposely stray from such things in order to save thine own self.

My only wish is to find a woman who will not cheat me, lie to me, live in deceit, but a woman who will respect me as I respect her, be honest, loving, and understanding. Someone with a heart, as I am tired of meeting heartless little girls who play the strings of my heart like harp only to snap them and crush it under their feet. I certainly hope that she is the one, because I haven't met anyone who shares the kind of things we share, and thats only scratching the surface.