who_leo

30 November 2012

Told

So I told her. Weight off my shoulders. Will continue on to do as I do, be myself, and interact as always. Will find out what happens. It's the best I can do for now; besides, school is so much more important right now. "I would rather be working for a pay check, than waiting to win the lottery." - Bright Eyes

Did you know???

Today I speak the truth.

24 November 2012

Some dreams

I had this dream last night, I don't remember exactly what was going on but... someone kept telling me they "love"d me, and I couldn't muster myself up to say that I did too. It was a weird dream because it takes a lot for me to say that to someone, it's not words that are easily spoken. Much like a quote I saw this morning:

"I trust you" is a better compliment than "I love you." Because you may not always trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust.

Sometimes the universe just likes to set you up, I feel. With that dream, then that quote on G+. Anyhow, I agreed. I would rather trust someone first, and then love them. It just makes more sense. I want to trust.

22 November 2012

Wishing on Dandelions

Dandelions are made for wishing
one thought followed by
a soft whispered kiss
from tender lips
into the wilderness of the world
and within that beautiful chaos
a white ball of seeds explodes
into a thousand pieces
each carried by the wind
hoping to find that heart
to set root in
and grow.

for now the warmth of the ethreal kiss
tender and joyous
keeps the hearth warm
during the nights they still haven't found
one another
at least  now they know
they are not alone.

10 November 2012

Staying in bed, you sleepless insomniac.

One thing I never miss about depression is the complete and utter feeling of hopelessness attached to every facet of life. I know I must get over it, just thread through it. For some reason though, my brain keeps saying fuck all, just stay in bed, the day is going to suck and there is nothing you can do about it.

There is nothing you can do about it.

There is nothing you can do about it.

There is nothing you can do about it.

Luckily I'm a stubborn asshole, otherwise I would have stayed in bed today, and tomorrow, yesterday, all of my existence. Fuck you brain, you suck with your "feelings" and emotional baggage that always seems to pop open during these times. Next question is, just how long will this feeling last this time?

05 November 2012

Wacky Dreans

Had a dream with an old lover, we met up at a dance hall. She wore a blue dress, her hair was done up. I was in shorts and a Spongebob shirt. Story of my life. We went up a set of stairs hidden inside the walls of the building, to kiss and make out on the roof top. She bit my ear, like she always did. I stared into her brown eyes, and the rest is just a replay from our past.

03 November 2012

Dearest Sour-girl,

I don't know why I still miss you. Even in the arms of strangers I think of you. I compare others to you, and even through all of the shit you still shine brighter. I must be sicker than I thought. Why do I enjoy this pain of knowing I will never see you? Why do I torture myself over someone who will never love as they are loved? Maybe it's because what we had was unconditional. Maybe it's because I'm one fucked up individual. But then I remember about the bruises, and find a certain spot on my chest still tender to the touch, my own or anyone's. Then I remember, that love is pain and thus eternal.

Forever lost in your eyes.

The Needle

Every time the needle tears through her flesh
to find that jumbled mess she likes to call a vein
it is her soul which slowly seeps out in amber drops
down her arm, pressure tied off by a tourniquet.
In order to forget the pain left behind by heavy hands
to extinguish flames burning so bright
that only the milky waters of the river Alf
may extinguish her core in an explosion
of eternal ecstasy
an orgasm
meant to last an eternity
but only felt for a few minutes
because nothing is eternal,
only pain is.

He wanted to hold her but he knew she was not aware
of her nature and way of being.
That her own life was inundated with the facts
that she was not like the rest of them
and quite aware she still pushed away
those who understood and were willing to help
to understand how life can be and is, 'cos
when the world is a jigsaw you need to put it together.
He knew what she was and it scared her
he saw through her skin
onto the punctured veins
and it scarred her.

It never ceased to amaze him
her beauty eternal
the way eyes glowed in the light of the moon
tender fingers ran over scar tissue
soft kisses invaded her body
as he gave of himself to her.
Because it is no the way we think it is
not as if life has everything set up.
it is chaos in a civilized society
set up to illuminate the cauldrons of reality
with the hearth of hearts
beating strongly against one another
as she soaks her panties under her clothes
he grows inside his boxer shorts
both kissing on a couch
late at night
as her hair falls over his face
and she pulls upon his dreads.

 She drags him to the bedroom
and takes her pants off
as he grabs her from behind and with one hand
buried in her crotch
feels the rivers of love flowing fast
his cock jumps
she grabs it behind her
squeezing as it pulses, she turns around
penetrates his mouth with her tongue.
She sit's back onto the bed
legs spread, one hand saying
"Hither forth."

He kneels in front of her and kisses freckles
upon her face
neck
breasts
stomach
thighs
ankles
feet
legs
thighs
pelvis
he then swims into her
lashing his tongue
she thrusts herself onto him.

The needle comes out
it penetrates her vein
and the water of life pours into her
an orgasmic overflow
she caresses the shaft of her syringe
feels the pain and the memory go away.

Because in the dark

Can't buy snack packs, as
they have two servings,
after one you are satisfied and
the rest might just spoil.

Couldn't go to the movies
because in the dark,
when it's cold and scary,
there is no one to hold on to.

Didn't celebrate anything,
because it always reminds of
how dull it all is when
there is no one to share with.

Laugh at a favorite comedy show
babble "Oh Liz Lemon, you're so funny!"
at a screen in an empty apartment full of cats,
neighbors think you are crazy.

Go to sleep with a pillow in your arms,
because it's a subtle reminder of the
softness and warmth once felt
from a gentle encounter.

Look into green eyes with wonder, and
loose the self in the swirls.
Those eyes are not for you,
leave empty handed.

02 November 2012

Three Steps

Every time she takes two steps forward
he takes three steps back
it's not like he doesn't want her near
or would not enjoy the scent of her
closer to him
his senses invaded by her touch
the taste of her skin
the color of her eyes.

It's a pain he's felt before
that of being open and honest
of allowing her to invade every cell
penetrating each wall inside of his organism
once he drinks from her.

Being afraid of being
and loosing everything,
because
what he is isn't what you'd
come to expect
from a soul in a meat bag.

He adorns himself with scars from the past
each tells a tale of a woman he's loved
moments
etched onto his skin
caricatures
scribbled into the layers
reaching beneath the surface
burrowed
just like all of them.

Three steps back,
while she takes two forward.

He pushes away because of
dishonest
obtuse
obituaries
which his heart has written
for different parts of itself.

What would be so different today,
tomorrow,
or any time at all?
Those who are willing to break the walls
and seek audience with his heart
will be given the time
to make a case for custody,
to hold and respect.

Three steps back,
three steps forward.
He wonders what she hopes to accomplish
as soft tender lips reach for his own.

Penny

She flipped a penny found on the ground  heads up in hopes someone would take it, she then decided that it would be best taken care of in her possession, that others would kick it and not care for it like she would.

At that moment, I saw what I appreciated the most in her.

I wanted to let her know, but it just didn't come out. Chocking on my own words I bid her a good day, in hopes that in the future I may meet someone like her, who is willing to flip pennies in hopes that others will take them, or even take it herself because no one else would give it a good enough home. She made a fan of me today.