22 October 2016

I Am Forgotten Emotions.

A sacrifice in the park
to the pigs with their guns
searching boys in the dark, I beg forgiveness for you—
you are sent home;
meanwhile, I am jailed over and over,
spending a night of Police harassment with a head full of acid,
each time you slide your access card
to the places where you
wouldn’t be allowed in otherwise.

I am your forgotten emotions.

Now you, that first lover,
I am the pain in your heart—
those scars left behind from a series of kisses,
a gentle touch, the words I love you are
over and over, carved inside its walls
reminding you of the sacrifice we made
in order to keep your youthful allowances,
each day I wonder, was it worth it?

I am our forgotten emotions.

I carry the numb places in your memory
where once shone the abscesses of childhood trauma
which removed and dissected for you
keeping you sane through hell and back,
are then swallowed and absorbed in this psychic
vessel, burrowed to purify deep inside.

I am your forgotten emotions, watch them as we bloom.

I’m here to remind you,
you, the one with the pedigree,
that I remember how you walked up to the bar
during our friends birthday party, you were dressed
like the beautiful whore we all know you are,
flirted with me, then said “Gosh, I’m mean!” giggling to yourself,
walking away laughing, I was a joke to you,
but I never laughed—
when your story was something to listen to,
when my shoulder was all I had to offer you,
and your broken heart was all I meant to mend.

I am your forgotten emultion.

I am the nexus of abhorrence, your loathing,
something to talk about over a beer—
another one of the horrible people,
keeping your friendships glued together,
kindling for your hatred,
when you can’t talk shit about one another
in fear that in turn each will know the truth,
you, with the faces like revolving doors.

This is for you.

To each and every one of you—
I am the louse in the corner,
the weirdo in black,
the one you’ve all turned to when no one would listen!
Look here, don’t advert your eyes,
I am here to remind you
that once your emotions were real,
not make believe, nor shadows of their former selves.

I am the luxury of forgetting
passed around a table
full of empty rotating faces
all stuck drinking from bottomless places.
but now I am no more for you or any of them,
you’ll have to face the truth of each other,


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