Complicated, isn't it?

Worst thing about being "sick" is being "sick" in a way that no one can see. When you aren't showing symptoms and people can't tell there is something wrong with you by just looking at you makes things quite odd. Friends don't understand, family tries but only kinda gets it and the world starts getting much smaller as going out becomes extremely difficult. What once fed my spirit has dried up, the experience of life, living, and other people. It feels as if life is over. Worst part is having people who you once thought would be there for you just disappear. How is anyone supposed to stick around anyhow? Also, meeting new people becomes extremely difficult. It's not easy to assimilate into this new life, it's extremely hard. I have no help from anyone, all the doctors have to say is "well you shouldn't be feeling like this." Well guess what, I am. I'm in pain, I'm miserable, and my support net is gone. I don't even have a pain buffer. What I feel is disheartening, and all I want is someone to listen, to help. Guess what though, something always comes to mind whenever I think about this: we are born alone, we die alone. It is the one thing that we have to share with each other.

Except for twins, they are born together, and die alone.

It must feel nice to know

It's not every night that I dream
much less the times that they are remembered.
So when they are about you I have to ask
if it's you that makes them happen
or if there is some part of me
deep down inside hidden from my own eye
that still misses you.

What do I miss?
A gentle touch as we pass a cigarette
back and forth our fingers slightly graze
the touch of skin to skin.
The stink of your dirty clothes
or hair unwashed for days
a gentle smile
half crooked teeth
to me you were perfect in every way.

I miss the elongated nights
made short by our alcohol consumption
I never drank like I did with you
and somehow I miss that.


Why do you come to mind as often as you do
when we both know you've given up
even though you took my heart with you.
It's not easy to forget the good things
my mistake is that the bad I often do.
That is what love does I guess
blinds one to be a fool.