On Moons and other stuff.

Time weighs heavy and yet people still dance to old routines. It would be nice to actually find someone "different" for a change, all the wrong echoes, all the wrong flags, and the blind following on the tail of the devil. M-O-O-N: that spells torture, a Chinese finger trap and a packet of fags, don't get smoke in your eye.

Postcards to Hitler

Correspondence with heaven, send a letter to see the devil

Spend a lifetime waiting for a response. We just didn't know,

there was no way to know. Everything fell into place when we feared

our own shadow as it made its way to hide behind us, we faced him

it was then that we drew, our conclusions became delusions

floating on the ether, high upon the clouds

riding the back of Pegasus, the winged muse of hope.

Good Ridance

I guess it's futile. You say I don't know my feelings, well I know my emotions well enough to be able to shut them off if needed be. Sadly, they are a sort of fuel, for living. I asked jim how you were. Because I have known him for many many years, and he's been like a father to me in many instances. You don't talk to me, you're cryptic, you push everyone away, and all I wanted was to know how you actually were. You claim that I am a pagan, but I don't worship anything, or anyone, or any names. I don't know where you get this shit from. I guess you must be high on some shit, which happens. I'm tired of talking to you and always getting illegible messages because you're too fucked up to type. This worries me. I don't want to worry about you, you're a grown woman who is killing herself. Not my fucking problem, and I'm sorry I made it so. Because I don't need your baggage. So I thank you for flipping out, because I didn't know how to push you away. I am sorry because of the human being that resides in you, but I can't let your shit get to me. As much as I want to help you, I cannot and shouldn't, for until you want to help yourself, there is no point. I don't know what else to say, but I hope you get well.

Letters from Dumbo

I don't want to say or write anything because I don't want to give you the pleasure of knowing that I feel like complete shit. Not because of anything in particular. I just do. My whole situation is a bit much to handle for me alone, and the only thing that I can hope to do one day is to lay in a wooden box where I wont bother anyone anymore. Ultimately, this is golden for me. My pain, physical and emotional will all go away, to not bother me or anyone else. Wouldn't this be grand?

I think so.

I'm sad because I thought that I would do something amazing, or at least be part of something grand. Now, I'm just as good as dead. I've wasted my life with useless satisfaction. Turned my own self into the worst enemy I've ever had. Oh, and how I pay for it. Maybe this will even raise a smile from your lips.

These cats are the only ones who love me unconditionally, and that kills me inside. Knowing I had you once, and now you are gone to never be seen or experienced by me again. You, the woman of a thousand faces, with a million smiles and three thousand reasons to stay away from me. If only I had known better than to get anywhere near you, at least it'd only be me who I'd hurt and blaspheme against. Still it wouldn't change the fact of what I deserve.

My thoughts on Digital Suicide

I ran into a suicide machine:

http://suicidemachine.org/


I'm thinking about using it.

I mean, what would it mean to just cut off my FB, right? Who would mind. Besides the fact I get some readers from there, that wouldn't be that big of a loss. The people I do talk to, I do so in person, phone, or e-mail. FB is more of a game than anything. I'm seriously concidering it. My friend told me about it, and I said to him that we ought to make a FB suicide club, where a bunch of us just off our FB. Might not get that big of numbers though, whatever. I would miss the off shoot contact I have with some family that lives over seas. Otherwise... I would do it right now.

Besides, people take that stupid networking site way too seriously. If people can get upset over FB, then as a whole we aren't mature enough to use something like that. I think loosing all that baggage would be a welcome relief.