When people use you up, there is nothing left.

Often I wonder what the whole point is, to be constantly hurt and let down. So many people are out there happy and rejoicing in the crap that they sow for themselves, meanwhile I've just been stuck. Nothing to do, no one to love, just pain. Physical, emotional, mental. Many times I feel as if there is no exit, that this is it. As life has come to a standstill these last 3 years, slowly moored on the beach of pain, only amniotic sedatives seem to calm me, to throw off the distant disdain of apathy and anguish. It feels as if I was meant to be like this though, no matter who enters my life they always say "you are great, you are awesome, you are meant for so much." Yet they walk away, turn their backs on me, and toss me aside like a piece of discarded cartilage, meant to be there momentarily only to serve as a buffer between their emptiness and the next thing. Great, I say. I have found that I'm that guy, the one people use in order to not feel alone, the one people use in order to feel alive, because anything is better than THIS, and so they can acquire it and do so. Because no matter how many times they say that I'm beautiful or that I'm great, it's all lies in the long run. White lies meant to keep me at bay momentarily, an emotional band aid of sorts, to be tossed once I have run my use and course. Thanks a lot, to you all, is all I have to say. You make me feel worthless, and apathetic, pathetic, and unlovable. All in all, I hope you are doing well, I hope that life treats you with some sort of kindness, that which you lack so often when dealing with matters of the heart. Thanks for the extra pain.