Musical Post? Musical Post.

Cover of Ben Folds "One Angry Dwarf and 2,000 Solemn Faces".
Sometimes mediocre attempts at popular music make me happy. It helps clear the mind.

per se

Wake up in the middle of the night,
aching to hear the voice.
Press play.
Ignore the universe,
lost in sounds of golden ratios
and flapjack devilfish.


http://greyanne.bandcamp.com/album/facts-n-figurines

Sky Line

I'm a literary hobo,
jumping trains of thought.
Never staying too long
in one place, unless
something makes me do so.

Dancer

Dry mouth
chapped lips
fingers twitching to the beat
of base and drum
electronic arpeggios
inundate thoughts

Imagine her in her skirt
dancing to the beat
hips accentuating motion
as her body follows closely
like an enchanter
seer of visions
hair over her face
sweat pouring down her back
bare feet

The dust of the evening
seldom settles

Four Letter Words to Break You

Flaming Lips. I Want You (She's So Heavy).


coming through
like waves
through open spaces
screams of hello
good-bye
and yellow submarines
sound waves caressing
all waiting for
and inspecting
the mare.
It's been so long
since the feeling of alone
really dug it's claws
into the mindless babble
and the garble of
these insane moments
often followed by our disastrous manic friend
happiness.
It's never as revolting
as it should be to be
seeing yourself in the mirror
smile from ear to ear
and all you want to do inside
is cry.
Because it's not normal
it's completely bonkers.
Reality skews itself in lips
often thought of
seldom forgotten
that speak those dirty words
with four letters
all the while
making the content
happy about
and the discerning
question
the ineffability
of Good-Bye.
It takes a while
to really wake up in the morning
stretch your eyes open
as you blink yourself into existence
from a night of tossing and turning
only to feel the pearl
you've been sleeping on
all night.
It's really just a matter
of picking the pieces
and being choosy about which parts
you want to put back together
often enough
you'll find that there are empty spaces
left behind
but it's ok
sooner or later you'll find something new
to fill them up with
a new smile
a kiss
a caress
new moments to glue yourself back together with.
It only takes a few
to forget of the crevices
and the broken dreams.
It's not so bad
once you look up in the new morning
to find yourself next to a lover
who you want
just as they want.
Something I always think though,
and shit...
this is just how I work.
I wonder how you'll break my heart?
How many pieces will you leave behind?
As I caress her back
massage her neck
feel my fingers deep inside
I wonder
Just how you will kill me
and how many times will I let myself
fall victim
to four letter words.

Marilyn Manson is still teaching me 20 years later.

I wish I hadn't strayed from my roots. All the hippie dippie shit is all cool and all, but honestly it's kind of empty, and not all the people are as nice as you'd like to believe. At least with goth and metal people aren't pretending to be something they are not, if they like you or not they will let you know. Besides, life is about ups and downs, not about peace and love all the time, that is a Utopian dream which will only stifle the growth from this cradle, the escape from these cages of social stigma and dogma. For those of you who knew me in the last 4 years, that part of me has been lied to, used, and treated like a slave. I'm done being nice, available, and loving all the time. It's about time fuckers earned the respect, love, and admiration I once gave so freely to all.

Try Try Try

It's days like today which make me wish I was able to just go, to get up and move away from here. These four walls, the lack of privacy, the unstable home situation. It tears at my inner psyche, I'm unable to cope because I'm unable to care for myself at the moment. Without work, without a bright light at the end of this tunnel, what am I to do? I feel ill, physically as well as mentally. I don't want to be tied down like this anymore, but there is no other way for me. My creativity is at an all time low, I blame it on the lack of "alone" time. I am always surrounded by someone, be it my sister or my mother, they are about at all times. Feeling ostigated with their presence I wonder if they feel the same about me, and if they want me gone as badly as I want to be gone. When will they know that I left a long time ago? That mentally I have tried to be away from them for so long. I sometimes don't understand these things, though I do know that what I do is because it makes me feel better, it allows for me to be somewhere else entirely. I often wish that things would be different, that I could take care of myself, that I had my own place, maybe then my family and I would get along better.

She came back into mind again. I met someone this past weekend, someone who reminded me a lot of her. Blond, thin, with a bag full of pills, and a care free attitude. I knew to stay away from the moment I laid eyes on her, sour girls are not something I want to be hanging around with. Other than that the festival went well. I met someone who I thought was really nice, but they may never know because I didn't say so. It was one of the volunteers, brunette, nice figure, and a go get 'em sense of being that I enjoyed. Too bad I was too busy making sure things were ok to do anything about it, to chat her up and say more than just hello. I'm such an idiot sometimes. What I hate the most is feeling alone, especially when I'm surrounded by people.

Art dies, art lives.

My laptop has crashed. It will not turn on. It is officially DEAD.

5 years plus of writing, journals, and just random stuff all gone. I stopped using it so much, hence why I haven't been writing like I should in here, but the other day I went to turn it on and... nothing. Not even a boot screen, just darkness.

Well, the last time I made a back up was like 6 months ago, or sometime before all of this medical shit started. Somewhere around there. So much happened, though I wonder if it's just better that these memories/proofs of life then are gone now. Might be much better off this way.

Johny Cash - We'll Meet Again

I heard this, just fell in love again. LOLz Don't know where, don't know when. But I know it will happen again.

Never say Never I guess. Life takes us down some strange paths.