Heroin Kisses, Save Me

There was never anything
that her amphetamine dreams
couldn't conjure up
for her mind to be pleased
even if just
momentarily.

Her kiss intoxicated
my mind like a heroin overdose
little did I know
it was just a side effect
of the drugs she was on
that we were on.

It all changes so quickly
when the spilled ashtray
throws all of the roaches
and the used condoms
onto the floor
of our small one bedroom.

It's not like it's the first time
and surely it wont be the last
for the number of arrests
always climbs
inside my heart.

Though I must say
the intoxication lasts
only if her lips
are moist
and willing to part.
My sour amphetamine girl
leaves a trail behind
of carcasses she discards.

My thoughts on Digital Suicide

I ran into a suicide machine:

http://suicidemachine.org/


I'm thinking about using it.

I mean, what would it mean to just cut off my FB, right? Who would mind. Besides the fact I get some readers from there, that wouldn't be that big of a loss. The people I do talk to, I do so in person, phone, or e-mail. FB is more of a game than anything. I'm seriously concidering it. My friend told me about it, and I said to him that we ought to make a FB suicide club, where a bunch of us just off our FB. Might not get that big of numbers though, whatever. I would miss the off shoot contact I have with some family that lives over seas. Otherwise... I would do it right now.

Besides, people take that stupid networking site way too seriously. If people can get upset over FB, then as a whole we aren't mature enough to use something like that. I think loosing all that baggage would be a welcome relief.

I was the fury in your head

HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It feels wonderful.

Walking awkwardly into a room full of you

Lame duck Oh lame duck
walks into the room
swear to you
lame duck
what is it with you




Everything is now lame duck
sheets on the couch
cigarette butts on the carpet
the scratches on the fridge door
laughter from the chorals
and banter from the weak
have left us in awkward standing
another weekend rambling
about the should & shouldn't haves
of a woeful world




lame duck, oh lame duck
you haven't even tried
to change your life
but by the things that you said
it all seemed so nice.




Lame duck, oh lame duck
make sure they all hear you
quack.
No reason to fight off the infection
if you keep poisoning your mind
behind everyone's back




Lame duck, oh Lame Duck
Look at your walk
always peeking over your shoulder
and waddling your back
hoping someone will see you
maybe someone just might
catch your attention
and it's off to a new start




.

When I erased them all

When you realize
that I deleted all of them
 for you, and that I
pushed you away
for your own good,
will you forgive me?
Or still be angry.
 I will never know,
and somehow thats o.k.

Because they were not really
my friends anyway.
We all know about loyalties
and the last thing
that you needed
was someone telling you
how I felt.

You were always too good for it
and I made sure you didn't hear
anymore.

On walking away.

Last night it hit me
 it felt wonderful
the weight was lifted
 if felt wonderful

I knew it existed
peace without you
I'd just lost it
in our deranged

frenzy

because to loose you
was loosing a part of me
because to know you
was knowing a part of me

Now that it's over
time rolls by
as our four leaf clover
strolls on by.

Unpublished love notes - "Her eyes bright as the morning dew."

The soft caress of the morning
eases me into the day.
I am awoken by the kiss of a lover,
the one for whom my lips have ached always.


Yet,
here she is,
a warm embrace
keeps me softly interlaced
between reality and a dream.


As I loose myself
in the aroma of her skin
my babe wraps close to me
and buries her head upon my chest,
I feel my body
begin to tingle
from head to toe
 and all along
my head becomes
light like a feather
as my consciousness
tries to escape me again.


As it does I finally wake up.


Rays of sunlight
are streaming through my window,
the mist from the moisture in the air
illuminates into a million little fractals
and dissipates the light
through out the bedroom
in the most wondrous of waves.


I look beside me, and she is gone.
I go about the small apartment,
her office is just as she left it,
nothing has been moved.
In the kitchen
her mug is in the same place I left it.


Making a cup of coffee
I hear something
coming from the living room.
After checking it out
it becomes apparent
that it's just the cat
moving about.
Her cat.

On opium for every day people

Something always told me
that time would come
when the people behind the curtain
all came out naked
and danced for the masses yet again.

Here we watch as
they dance their two step
three step
four
in order to cover up
their ass
when we come a looking
for someone to point a finger to.

Well what are you waiting for?

Crazy

Yeah, I thought you were crazy... Crazy enough to Love me.

Thralls or ecstasy

Something I can never forget
is how easy it is to do so.

Yes, forget.

It can be so easy
as long as you have the right mind
the right state
the correct directions
to amplify yourself into a noise
that no one can understand
a place to be
a niche to reach
new places to see
new people to meet.

It is all relevant
to the smile on my face
who I want to meet
who I want to see
laying naked on my bed
waiting for my one response
for them to reach out
touching my face
with hands so soft.

I want to be your holy man.

It is as it is
and it goes on
the best thing is knowing
that your eyes wished to meet mine
in a sudden burst of ecstasy
arms wrapped around each other
in the thralls of dancing
bodies mimicking
something so primal
it's only danced
in a bedroom
full of lust.

Hungry like children
we feed off one another.

That look in your eyes.

Ssica and Sour Girl

Going through this blog one may find tags of sour girl and ssica. These were two people who you may know or may have met at one point in time, whom when I met, shone a light upon my life that will be hard to forget. Ssica, a random hippie girl I met outside of NYE Phish in Miami '09 who I have come to terms with that I will never see again, and Sour Girl is one of two humanitarian workers met just around the same time as Ssica, of whom I mistakenly fell in love with when all she wanted was some peace, quiet, and fun. Sadly, such is life. These women are two forces that drive my writing at the moment, and probably will for a minute. It's hard to put a lot of these things down, and sharing them is even crazier in some sense. Though it helps me heal, and it helps me remember for future note of what humanity is, and what it is capable of. So I thought I'd just write this down to remind myself, and inform others. Also, sour girl has dissipated from my life in such a way that I may never see her again. The world can be too sweet without her around to help me remember. Miss you, you freak.

Teachings of a lemon

The life she led
made her hate
the simple things
that life had made.

It wasn't fair
to treat her kind
when all she wanted
was to be left behind.

Could it be
that her own love
couldn't be shared
because her dove
had been blown off
by a rogue bomb.

It's not so strange
to feel like this
when someone true
leaves your smile
locked away
like a memory.

If I could see her
I would still miss her
though now she's gone
and all I have
is diatribe after diatribe
telling me I'm bad

that everything done
has been in vain
that the reason she even
tried to love
was because it eased her pain
momentarily

enough for her
to get away
from all the things
that made her sway.
And so she said
to me one night

You've made it all up
and now it's time to flight.

My favorite mourning treat

This morning I woke up
and it wasn't that I felt alone
as much as I felt left out
of something greater
I just don't know what.

It wasn't like it hasn't happened before
it occurred to me once or twice
all in the past
but now this will last
until I'm out of my mind.

At least thats what the lass
who I last had in my arms
said to me once
in a car ride to a bar
that insanity settles in at 25.