Soft Caress

It's so deranged
the way we pass
and hold hands
and trip over our
words
when we try to explain
why we have feelings
ideas
about one another

It's ok though
because it's not the first time
and it wont be the last
that we find something we want
we like
we enjoy about another human being
though this time
there is something about her lips
that crawls inside of me
and nestles into empty spots
filling what has been
left empty
for so long.

It's worth waiting for
it's worth
the soft touch
of her skin
smooth hair
warm breath
gentle words.

About Psychos

Last night I'm hanging out and the psycho ex-boyfriend of the girl sitting next to me starts blowing up my phone. Why? Because we had talked during the day earlier just bs'ing about my resume, like friends do. I got pretty pissed off, not at her, but at the asshole blowing up my phone. Although I felt that this was just something ridiculous and told her that she needed to get this guy off my back. There is no reason as to why he should be doing this, I'm not even fucking her. If I was, then I'd be all about it. He can call me all he wants, and I would tell him all the dirty shit I'd be doing to her... lolz... jk, not really, but still. That was just ridiculous. Psychopaths are a plenty out there, and last thing I need is even ONE of them seeing me as a bleep on their radar. Sick people are sick, and I want to stay away from that. I will miss talking to her, unfortunately she says we can't speak anymore. Thanks psycho ex-boyfriend, your mental illness wins yet again.

Come at me bro!

Thing is that I can't seem to ever get it right. No matter how hard I try or want to be with someone, it always fails. I'm destined to be alone, and die alone. I've come to terms with this. So now, since I have nothing to hold me back I say this to you world:

Come at me bro!

I shall have the last laugh.

On stealing a kiss

In my desire for you I find myself.
When your soft touch I covet,
it is my heart you'd soothe.
Knowing I'm not able
to keep your attention
rips me to the core.

If only I could hold you
and this shell wasn't broken,
and the future was taken care of,
maybe happiness we could find.
But this is my story
and seldom is there a happy ending.

So I bow to death,
so I bow to poverty,
and I welcome the bony touch
of the sick and the impure
for we are family
and you are gone.

You walk away because it's easier
you keep away because of us.
Sometimes I wish I'd never kissed you
maybe you'd still be around
but then I wouldn't know
the soft touch of rose petals to my lips.

On a dark Pantheon

Contemplating dreams
she crawls through my head
like the yellow fog of wars past
slowly killing off life
yet the moment her dead blue eyes
meet with mine
my heart still flutters
and I embrace her poisonous kiss
because when you love
it's forever.

When you can't think about what to say, music will speak for you.

Lily Allen - Fuck You!
For you, because you know who you are.

I awaken from a dream of you into a nightmare of sorts.

Since I last wrote two people have passed away due to drug overdose. This synthetic heroin is killing people. 3 weeks ago it was a woman in her mid to late twenties, I didn't really know her but I had met her on a few occasions, a passing face one can say. I did know her reputation though, and as sad as it was it's hard not to say that we all saw that one coming. Latest addition to the count was three days ago. Brother of a childhood friend, cousin of an old old friend. Passed away much too young, 21 years too young.

That was my news this morning, as I woke up from a dream with you again, sour girl. This time it was a bit different. We lay under a tree next to a lake, not together but with one another. Streams of air passing through the branches and leafs, I could see them as they made their way over the water up to us. Red was all over, and the roots of the tree which stretched out under us like protruding veins which softly dug into us. You spoke to me, told me that I deserved so much better and that life would give to me that which I worked for. Your voice resonated against me, a feeling which now in my waking life I miss. Hell, I miss everything about the dream, your eyes, your smile, the warmth of you. As quickly as the dream began, it ended. You disappeared off the face of the earth, much like you did in real life. Then I woke up, and received a call about a friend, who 21 years too young passed away from heroin overdose.

I hate it when things like this happen, when my mind brings you out and then I'm reminded as to why I made the effort to push you away. Well, I want one thing from life, and that is my peace with you, a sober from heroin you.

Marilyn Manson is still teaching me 20 years later.

I wish I hadn't strayed from my roots. All the hippie dippie shit is all cool and all, but honestly it's kind of empty, and not all the people are as nice as you'd like to believe. At least with goth and metal people aren't pretending to be something they are not, if they like you or not they will let you know. Besides, life is about ups and downs, not about peace and love all the time, that is a Utopian dream which will only stifle the growth from this cradle, the escape from these cages of social stigma and dogma. For those of you who knew me in the last 4 years, that part of me has been lied to, used, and treated like a slave. I'm done being nice, available, and loving all the time. It's about time fuckers earned the respect, love, and admiration I once gave so freely to all.

Trivial

As much as I want to share with you, there is nothing left inside.

Caesar

I'm thinking about starting this zine, it's going to be called "Caesar." I would like to get local writers to submit their work. Will be distributing the mag to many places in South Florida. Short stories, poems, thoughts. Making it a monthly would be cool. I wonder how many people might pick it up? Biggest thing would be finding a printer, but I think that doing it all black and white might be cool. Well, we'll see what happens. It's been 6 months in thought, I think it's time to realize this idea. Will post more as it comes through.

Hey Sour

I knew you were trouble, all I wanted was someone to call honey. I'd do it all over again, much like our echos wrap around each other, marking lips with bite marks, a kiss that turned your song. I still dream about you, and though it bothers me I'm glad you are still about, even if I only see your ethereal self.

Dream escapes with sudden stops

Bad dreams are determined by the dreamer. Only certain people make my skin crawl, and girl you do that just right in all the wrong ways that I like. I don't know why you haunt me, but I certainly understand why I stay away.

Catterpillars

I could almost taste you every time my tongue felt the bite marks on my lip.