Burned

I come over to you for comfort
for love
for an understanding inherently built in
for something other than the mundane
an existence made of clay
to see what shape I can make myself
it's odd
the way we've trans-versed so far
through the spaces in between
but often enough
it's never a thought
that binds the lips to good-bye
but rather an inexpensive frailty
meant to incinerate yet consecrate
the way that I feel for you
and if so
let it be
for I never knew the true taste
of a kiss
but a caress
infested with love bites

Beach Thoughts

today, much like yesterday
the day before and even past tomorrow
I find myself enthralled by what could have
should have and will never be.

a sour kiss
a gentle caress
the touch of soft skin to mine
conversations of wonder
seldom found anywhere else.

the genius behind blue eyes
kindness behind the honey colored ones
lessons taught and learned
all meant to inspire.

lately I think of you sour
even in the arms of a new lover
about how you kissed me in the car
and simply said
"now you know how I feel about you,"
so forward and in charge
like the night you jumped my bones
and showed me how a woman really
loves.

when I think of my honey lover
its often of her skin
the accents from
her freckles which I've read like braille
soft kisses on my cheek as she whispers
"You are beautiful"
into my ear
and I shiver because I know
this is her goodbye.

so I wander through my mind
emotions and heartbreak
to find myself alone
whispering sweet nothings
to myself before I sleep
all in hopes to keep
the death of my spirit
heart and hope
from coming too soon
before I find her again.

Contradictions

I am done falling in love
or at least wanting to
it is painful
it is full of lies
it is not for me
anymore.

Your White Lies Bite

I see the truth hidden in your eyes
the white lies hurt you know
no matter how you dress them up
or what you try to tell yourself
you hurt those you lie to.

Construction Ahead

Continue on

and don't give two damns

life often fringes on death

after all it wouldn't be life.

Fighting for survival

on a rainbow road

made of multicolored dreams

smashed to bits and pieces

all you can say is

wow.

It's not so easy when the past

catches up to you

and the lovers that keep hiding

inside of your head come up

for air.

Light glares off the gravel

coloring the walls of the houses

as you pass by each one

and it makes you wonder

about the could and should have been's.

Like a pilot light that's blown out

that let's the whole place fill up

with gaseous emissions

just waiting for that one spark

to blow everything up.

So is my mind

heart

soul

waiting for that one

who will make everything light up

blowing up the walls

and the pre built concepts

of reality.

This rainbow road can take you

anywhere you want to be.

Built from smashed dreams

it makes you wonder just how far

you can really walk before you decide

that it's time to settle down

and take a sip of wine

to numb out the pain

the sway

forget about the sores on your feet.

Still I wander through the streets

headlights lighting the way

to an unknown

yet yearned for tomorrow.

It's all about the story

the trip taken

the slow moments that make it worth while

like a woman's scent as she holds you tight

or her whispering words of beauty

promises often broken

it's all momentary and fleeting.

All meant to ignite some sort of reaction

erection

confessions of the heart.

I've hold her tight several times

my muse

but more often than never

I must let her go

to be free

for I am not a cage

although I am a caged

animal

on a rainbow road

made of smashed dreams.

Four Letter Words to Break You

Flaming Lips. I Want You (She's So Heavy).


coming through
like waves
through open spaces
screams of hello
good-bye
and yellow submarines
sound waves caressing
all waiting for
and inspecting
the mare.
It's been so long
since the feeling of alone
really dug it's claws
into the mindless babble
and the garble of
these insane moments
often followed by our disastrous manic friend
happiness.
It's never as revolting
as it should be to be
seeing yourself in the mirror
smile from ear to ear
and all you want to do inside
is cry.
Because it's not normal
it's completely bonkers.
Reality skews itself in lips
often thought of
seldom forgotten
that speak those dirty words
with four letters
all the while
making the content
happy about
and the discerning
question
the ineffability
of Good-Bye.
It takes a while
to really wake up in the morning
stretch your eyes open
as you blink yourself into existence
from a night of tossing and turning
only to feel the pearl
you've been sleeping on
all night.
It's really just a matter
of picking the pieces
and being choosy about which parts
you want to put back together
often enough
you'll find that there are empty spaces
left behind
but it's ok
sooner or later you'll find something new
to fill them up with
a new smile
a kiss
a caress
new moments to glue yourself back together with.
It only takes a few
to forget of the crevices
and the broken dreams.
It's not so bad
once you look up in the new morning
to find yourself next to a lover
who you want
just as they want.
Something I always think though,
and shit...
this is just how I work.
I wonder how you'll break my heart?
How many pieces will you leave behind?
As I caress her back
massage her neck
feel my fingers deep inside
I wonder
Just how you will kill me
and how many times will I let myself
fall victim
to four letter words.

Sometimes I can hardly help it

Would you chastise me
if I said I missed you
wished that your scent
still lingered on my clothes
that your kisses I still felt
upon my cheek
and soft caress upon my lips
it is true
and I do.

Palpitations

Gentle kisses on my face
hands smooth running
over my skin
her hot breath on my own
all of these things
stick inside my brain
making me ache
inside
for her.

Did you know?

He reads your emails.
Nothing is safe.

Four Letter Words

so often I think of the
things which I've done
that I knew would be
different
if only I'd taken time
to pay attention to what
was going on around me
instead of drifting off
into the spaces within
my mind
her eyes
lost in the moment.
but then I wouldn't know
what I do now, or how to look
for them,
signs.
hind sight is twenty twenty
they say.
knowing this I find that
Sour wasn't so sour
after all
and that my beach lover
is just trying to feel
me out for being either
someone seeking just sex
or an honest human being.
I certainly do hope that
she realizes my intentions
are not to just penetrate
her near the inner thigh
but rather her whole being from
head
to
toe.
I wish to be inside of her
underneath her skin
inside her brain
behind her eyes
in her taste buds
just as she is in mine.
I want her to stick around
for a very long time
maybe even one day we can
call each other mom and dad.
We will see though
once we hit the three month mark
whether this is true
or just infatuation
I can't wait for the results.
never before have I wanted to be
positive
for a disease spread from boy to girl
girl to boy
human to human
I want to be positive
for a four letter word.
let us
over react a little
vanity isn't always wrong
especially when shared with
someone like you.

Sweet Dreams Are Made of These

Last night I dreamed of you
we sat under a night sky
exploding with stars
like freckles
on the skin of my lover
and as we caressed one another
she spoke to me
"I love your curls"
so she played with my hair
as I ran my fingers
through her soft silky strands
angels never tasted so fine
as her kiss
like her smile.

Tasted delicious on my fingers

She awakens
asking why her underwear
is still on.
I tell her it was a rough night
and my leg isn't feeling
any better.
I should have just pulled them
down to her ankles
tossed them off the side
of the bed.
We were so trashed though
and sometimes I still
go back to my prime teachings
of times long gone
yet she likes it.
Earlier she'd said
how she still paid attention
to certain aspects of
Catholicism
after correcting me
on the proper
pronunciation of the word.
I then tell her that when I
date someone
I like to do the same.
She smiles
and says
"I'm glad you know what I meant."
I like the fact that we do it this way.
But how will I tell her
I'm not a fan of missionary?

Dreams of Sour

She was in my dream again last night. Sourgirl. I can't seem to shake her off, it's ridiculous. I was in South America going to a class there (?) which was in a sort of commercial spot with lot's of windows. A large group of us sat in for a sort of telling of rules and such. We were then asked to vacate in order for the next round of students to receive the same speech. I went outside and waited with the rest of the people, except that on my way out I saw Sourgirls best friend, that Asian woman. She was in all white, and didn't say a word to me. Outside the professor eventually came out and wanted to talk to me, said that two students had a problem with me being there, in particular D.Healy. I don't know why he'd have a problem, but I ended up finding and talking to him, apparently someone had been seeding lies in their group. I told him what had happened between Sourgirl and I, and he said it was very curious and that something similar had happened to another of his friends via Vigil, who was the perpetrator in my situation as well. He set off to look for her. The whole time I was looking for Sourgirl, I could feel her watching me, like she was near by...  At a point in time this gangster guy in his ghetto get up started hanging on to my back so he could hitch a ride in his skates, I eventually shook him off. We ended up going to some giant club with lot's of Womp Womp music, Healy entered but I didn't, I wasn't feeling it. There I saw the light show going on inside, as well as a multitude of people dancing. He'd gone in to look for her. I awoke.

My worry is that I haven't even been thinking about this woman and here she is, popping up in my dreams again. I don't know what to do short of a lobotomy to get her out of my head. What sucks is that every time I dream of her I am reminded of the stupidity surrounding the whole situation, but then again that is what happens when you fall for a junkie. I guess my subconscious misses her, but all in all I'm much happier not thinking about the could and should have been's. Sometimes though, I do wish that we could meet up, get over this shit, and move on. I hate waking up with her on my mind, I always feel so empty. I guess that's the feeling she leaves most people with though.