As much my story as it is yours.

outside of a bar
he tells her beautiful things
she shrugs
she smiles
it's not like she
hasn't heard them before
it's not like he
hasn't said them before
to others
from others
it's all the same really
one way or another
we all melt
to the feelings
like ice cream
to the hot summer sun
we spill on the pavement
and the ants
they all eat so well that day
coming by and rejoicing
on the sweetness that
the mammal has dropped
from it's mouth
it's all so much the same
but it always changes
she shrugs
he smiles
if something else could be said
it would be too much
she'd walk away
and think him strange
but
no but's
it's all downhill from there
at least until she's not afraid
to be held.

Fleeting?

If love is fleeting
then why does it stick
like shag carpet
to a strip of Velcro
every time
it comes around?

Like the time
that I fell for my
tequila queen
She still hounds dreams
and imagination.

Now I've felt the wind of
falling face first
onto the floor of emotion
but I keep catching
myself just as I'm about
to bust my face on the
linoleum.

Because I don't want a ghost
of a woman
to haunt me anymore.
Because there is no feeling
like no feeling at all.
It is peace.

(SELF) Sabotage

Video by
Beastie Boys - Sabotage


-(SELF) Sabotage-

Because things are too good
when your face isn't covered in dirt
because when you want to dance
nothing is going down
there isn't anywhere you can run
where you wont face your own sabotage
the places you've been
the facades you've seen
they all fall apart
and the world only makes sense
when you are neck deep
in the lost feeling
of self loathing
and destruction
Self Sabotage.
So fuck all the fakes
and burn all the bridges
because the world is fucked
and you are just another doll
waiting to be ripped
by the hellhound
sent to eat paper faces.

Absolutely Sweet Marie

George Harrison - Absolutely Sweet Marie

Run

Sun shines down on us
it is a hot day
the breeze keeps us cool
roaring waves move back and forth
keeping the mind at ease
we drink the nectar
sip by sip
our inhibitions
walled emotions
all slip away.

We talk all afternoon
from dark angels
to glistening grooves
which accentuate the day
making it linger
as we finger
at all the truths of decay.

Her skin glistens with the oil
she uses to darken herself
her figure is beautiful
skinny but not sickly
tight but not bony
she even has that gap
between her thighs
breasts full
soft
tender
and her lips

They are full
all of the time
my own ache just to
touch hers
like tender pillows
waiting for me
to crash
upon them
I would want my children
to have lips like hers
skin like hers
eyes like hers
dark silky hair like hers
even be crazy like her
because normality is obtuse
but she's right in every way.

Some say
time isn't linear.
That we can all be here today
and yesterday
even tomorrow
events crossing over years apart

So it's two years ago
Sourgirl is my main squeeze
and we are at a bar.
A woman
soft
gentle
keeps coming up to us
to chat
take pictures
say hello and share drinks
by the end of the night
Sour is gone
(mentally)
she's been flirting
with everyone she can
drinking tequila like it's
prohibition
I just let it slide
because in the end
we both go
home together.
Up comes this woman
full lips
and she whispers in my ear
as I hug her good-bye
"kiss me..."
what?
"kiss me right now..."
but her boyfriend
he's near by
and Sour stands not far
behind
I can't... I should have...
I walk away
always wondering what will be
of that kiss.

Two years later,
almost to the day
we are at the beach
her and I
Lips.
We've been talking for
hours
conversation hasn't run dry
it's still fun
we are drunk
and the sun shines down upon us.

We go to the beach house
meet up with friends
drinks are had
laughs
memories
we go to dinner
the whole time she's wearing
this tiny red dress over her
bathing suit.
She looks so good in it
she makes anything look good
even something like me
every time she's near.

As I walk into the restaurant
I hear her say
"I really like him..."
I sit down
grin on my face
ear to ear.
We eat and go for a walk
on the way she stops at a bar
"you've never seen
this side of me
let's stop for drinks
I'm thirsty here."
So we chill
I drink something
I didn't even pay attention
to when ordering
because I'm lost
in her.
It's vodka
I black out a  bit.

Back at the beach house
we decide to go for another dip
the water is chili
gusts of wind cool us off
slowly drying us.
We lay down on the beach
just for a few hours
I hold her
she says that I'm too close
but there is no reason
to back out now
so I wrap my arm
around her soft body
our warmth
we share.

We eventually go back
shower up
clean off the sand
get naked in public
her laughter exploding
as people pass by
we hide behind the wall.

Back in the house
we finish cleaning up
and after some cigarettes
we lay down in bed.
I caress her back
massage her shoulders
and as we lay near one another
continue to talk
about this
and that
the ways of the world
ex's that should be dead
or might be
because sometimes
it's like they wanna be.
every inch of her
is so soft.
every bit of her warm skin
I feel with my hands
I've gotten good
at reading braille this way

She lays her head
on my shoulder
and I scratch the back of it
until we both pass out
in the arms of sleep.

In one second

In a second a lot can happen
death
life
hello
goodbye
people fall in love
out of love
an argument starts
a war ends
all in one second.

It's all it took for her to say
good-bye
it's all it took to feel
that all familiar pain
void
tightness
revolting feeling.

One second.
Then why does it seem
like an eternity?

Treacherous Waters

It aches to think of loss
But it's worth it
just for a second of your love.

Soft Caress

It's so deranged
the way we pass
and hold hands
and trip over our
words
when we try to explain
why we have feelings
ideas
about one another

It's ok though
because it's not the first time
and it wont be the last
that we find something we want
we like
we enjoy about another human being
though this time
there is something about her lips
that crawls inside of me
and nestles into empty spots
filling what has been
left empty
for so long.

It's worth waiting for
it's worth
the soft touch
of her skin
smooth hair
warm breath
gentle words.

About Psychos

Last night I'm hanging out and the psycho ex-boyfriend of the girl sitting next to me starts blowing up my phone. Why? Because we had talked during the day earlier just bs'ing about my resume, like friends do. I got pretty pissed off, not at her, but at the asshole blowing up my phone. Although I felt that this was just something ridiculous and told her that she needed to get this guy off my back. There is no reason as to why he should be doing this, I'm not even fucking her. If I was, then I'd be all about it. He can call me all he wants, and I would tell him all the dirty shit I'd be doing to her... lolz... jk, not really, but still. That was just ridiculous. Psychopaths are a plenty out there, and last thing I need is even ONE of them seeing me as a bleep on their radar. Sick people are sick, and I want to stay away from that. I will miss talking to her, unfortunately she says we can't speak anymore. Thanks psycho ex-boyfriend, your mental illness wins yet again.

Come at me bro!

Thing is that I can't seem to ever get it right. No matter how hard I try or want to be with someone, it always fails. I'm destined to be alone, and die alone. I've come to terms with this. So now, since I have nothing to hold me back I say this to you world:

Come at me bro!

I shall have the last laugh.

On stealing a kiss

In my desire for you I find myself.
When your soft touch I covet,
it is my heart you'd soothe.
Knowing I'm not able
to keep your attention
rips me to the core.

If only I could hold you
and this shell wasn't broken,
and the future was taken care of,
maybe happiness we could find.
But this is my story
and seldom is there a happy ending.

So I bow to death,
so I bow to poverty,
and I welcome the bony touch
of the sick and the impure
for we are family
and you are gone.

You walk away because it's easier
you keep away because of us.
Sometimes I wish I'd never kissed you
maybe you'd still be around
but then I wouldn't know
the soft touch of rose petals to my lips.

On a dark Pantheon

Contemplating dreams
she crawls through my head
like the yellow fog of wars past
slowly killing off life
yet the moment her dead blue eyes
meet with mine
my heart still flutters
and I embrace her poisonous kiss
because when you love
it's forever.

When you can't think about what to say, music will speak for you.

Lily Allen - Fuck You!
For you, because you know who you are.