Late night thoughts after a night of drinking.

Tonight I was hanging out with some good friends, had a really good time. Had a chance to see life from a different perspective, and it was good. Yeah, thats kind of cookie cutter, but hell... if I told you everything then there wouldn't be any mystery!

I did learn something tonight though, and that is to not let things get to you. Because no matter what happens, there is always something different going on.

I shouldn't let stupid medial bullshit get to me as much as I do. It's silly, really. Something I can always count on is the fact that life will change, no matter what. I wish things could have been different in the past, but these things happened for a reason. Whether it was to teach me or them, they happened. It's just learning to let them be that is the hard part.

Life is wacky, and there is nothing that one can do about it.


I hope soon I'll have something more to write about. I've been thinking about the things that go in the world around me, and I want to write about them. I will, whether it's one thing or another, I will. Because our world is a strange place, and very strange things happen. This is why I wanted to be a journalist anyhow, to explore the world around me and make a note of it, in order of future generations to understand and exploit, so that they may know what the world is like, and know what to do and not to do.

On that note, I leave you.

Slow month is slow

It's been a slow month. Guess video games have been taking up a lot of my time. Theres nothing else to do at the moment, I think I may have already talked about this on here, but whatever.

My desktop has a bunch of alt art pictures that are always rotating, I kind of wish I could be as awesome at drawing as these people seem to be. I can't even draw stick figures right.

If you want to know more about Alt-Art, click HERE

Today I felt like I had failed you, failed me.

Today I felt like I had failed you, failed me.

It's ok though, things happen the way they do for a reason. People are easily manipulated, and do the things they do. I was always true to my word, and that much gives me the peace of mind that I need.

Still though, I feel like I failed you.

Because I wanted to save you, and it never occured to me that you didn't want to be saved. That you were happy with the needle in your vein. How vain of me to think that I could change your mind.

Still though, I feel like I failed me.

Because I wanted to keep something for myself, that was beyond grasp and beyond understanding. There were moments that we spent that I will never forget, like laying naked in your bed holding one another.

Still though, I feel like I failed.

Because it's not easy to forget you, and as hard as I try, you always come back to haunt my thoughts, when I am reminded of all the addicts I've known, I just don't understand how I didn't see it in your eyes sooner.

Still though...

Cellophane Skin

Curtains drawn,
but it's all the same,
when you look
into a burlesque anyway.

Don't make a sound,
it's time for a round
of my favorite cognac
which we sip so quietly.

With
and without
the thunder of night,
dwindling fright
seeps from their eyes.

Come take a walk through
a new comers door.
See the blazing frame
wrap up what is left
of what once was humane.

Complicated

Her curly hair washed over her face casting the silhouette of her nose, a cute angle to say the least. A smile tainted by the drugs and other chemicals that her friends liked to feed her would often slip into our conversations, as an array of ideas we exposed slowly came to light, all in the darkness of the back seat of the car. Cuddled up next to each other, feeling the resonance of the others voice deep within, the conversation lingered on. Sometime during the night, the rain began to fall. Clink Clank on the steel rooftop, it made little difference to the two. Eyes melting into each other, it was aviation of the mind. Lips often do such beautiful things, spelling out words of awe and wonder for the eye to see and an ear to listen, all meanwhile they speak their own language as they swell and redden with the pulsing of their hearts. Another night, spent awake and without sleep. It's ok though, they'll have all the time to rest when they are dead. For now, it is this time, the few moments they have with one another in a car, a bar, or some darkened room that matter. It is theirs to hold and enjoy. Time slips by, and without a second notice those they care for have moved on. It is now, here, that their insatiable thirst for one another is temporarily quenched. For the few minutes they spend makes up for a lifetime without the other.

If only she had seen it the same way. If only the drugs hadn't rotted her mind away. Would it even matter now? Time clears all, sometimes even memories. Emotions are washed away from hearts by the tides of experience, just the same our faces become older and weathered, wrinkles in time.

What would you say now?

Their smiles light up the world for them, somehow they know that there is hope left after meeting one another. These short moments meant the whole world once, thought now they are only kept in tiny crevices, it is theirs to cherish for as long as they allow themselves to remember that it was true, and nothing will ever change that.

Just another day

It's been a few days since I wrote. Been busy playing video games and reading, it's the only things that really keep me entertained right now. Not much else is do able, so whatever. Been meeting lots of cool people online, and it's nice to know that others out there are just as geeky, if not more, about it. Either way, I'm glad. Maybe I'll write something later, maybe not. I think it's nice to take a brake from anything and everything every once in a while.

Voting - another weekly rant for B.S.R.

What is it with people not voting, then starting to bark up a storm once the government does something that we don't like? Well, if you haven't voted, you can just shut your pretty little mouths up, and bite the bullet. Without a voice, you are nothing, and voting is your voice when it comes to how this country works. Recently we just had California totally pass on the 100% legalization of Marijuana via Prop 19. REALLY? We've been trying to rectify this mistake for almost a century now (give or take a few decades), but to no avail. Then, when it ends up in the ballots it's not passed. Why? Because there is a bunch of pusillanimous individuals who like to woof at the chance of discussion, but when it comes down to it they aren't prepared to rise up to the occasion in order to enact change.

You know who you are, you non conformists, anti government types. Sure, there is a lot of stupid shit going on in our country, why not fix it? Why not get off your lazy ass and go do something about it. Bitch bitch bitch... and no action. "We want to bring the government down! ANARCHY FOREVER!" You are idiots. Do you really think that will happen? We are in too deep to just give up. Sure, we need Change as the Obama administration said, but it's not possible if you expect for it to happen out of the blue. You all need to go to the polls, write to your congressman, go visit your local government places and tell them what you think. You will be amazed at the responses you get, as most of them actually want to hear what you have to say, after all you are the voters that put them there.

Do you understand?

Now, the question of massive corruption comes up. Yes, it is there and it is rampant. Much the way that a government official takes the money from the peoples hands in order to buy themselves a new yacht so does the health aid worker in a 3rd world country use their connections at work in order to get their hands on hard prescription drugs that are unavailable to them state side. This is truth, and it is something that you should know. Best thing we can do about it is study the past of those people who we wish to put in office, and make an informed decision. It's not about who has the most posters (you fucking litterbugs), or who has the best commercials, it's about their career decisions and what they have voted on in the past. Sure, it takes some homework that your lazy asses don't want to do, but isn't the future and well fare of our country, our children, it's most certainly worth the hour plus that it might take to research these things online.

So I don't want to hear people bitch, especially those who chose not to vote because their vote "didn't matter." You are just letting the elite make all the decisions by doing this, the old timers, the people who although are full of very important and worthwhile information, are out dated and not with the times. Our generations, the young un's, we know what is up and what is going down. If only we could pay more attention to real news, not the crap that is shoveled on national television, and what our government is doing, WE WOULD BE THE CHANGE IN THE WORLD THAT IS NEEDED.

So don't listen to your friends who say "voting is stupid, why even bother..." Well, how is the government supposed to know that we aren't happy if we don't show it to them the only way that they know how to listen, through our vote. Sure, we can go march, and it helps... but without the votes, it is pointless. We fought to give blacks and women the right to vote, it is that important. Wont you make your own informed decisions and show them that we care not just about ourselves but each other. After all, we are in this together. Your anarcho dimwit friends aren't really out to help you or the rest of the people, neither are most of the people in government, and that is why we must voice our opinions, not shut up and talk in dark rooms about possibilities and should have beens. The time for change is here, and it is now. I just hope next time more people get to the ballots and make the right decisions, not just for themselves, but for the rest of their brethren.

Your's truly,
who_leo
aka Fat-J

Letters from Dumbo

I don't want to say or write anything because I don't want to give you the pleasure of knowing that I feel like complete shit. Not because of anything in particular. I just do. My whole situation is a bit much to handle for me alone, and the only thing that I can hope to do one day is to lay in a wooden box where I wont bother anyone anymore. Ultimately, this is golden for me. My pain, physical and emotional will all go away, to not bother me or anyone else. Wouldn't this be grand?

I think so.

I'm sad because I thought that I would do something amazing, or at least be part of something grand. Now, I'm just as good as dead. I've wasted my life with useless satisfaction. Turned my own self into the worst enemy I've ever had. Oh, and how I pay for it. Maybe this will even raise a smile from your lips.

These cats are the only ones who love me unconditionally, and that kills me inside. Knowing I had you once, and now you are gone to never be seen or experienced by me again. You, the woman of a thousand faces, with a million smiles and three thousand reasons to stay away from me. If only I had known better than to get anywhere near you, at least it'd only be me who I'd hurt and blaspheme against. Still it wouldn't change the fact of what I deserve.

Intro to destruction

Contenders in a race

we all loose trace

of the eminent faze

through which we'll raise

our spirits high

when the time is nigh

when the time is...

I've lost my rhyme

my battle spirit.

I've let it froth over

and burn away in the fire

of forgetfulness

and indecision.

Complete with an automaton

set to explode

we make our way into the void.

It's like you said

nothing ever really lasts

the only thing that we hold true

is deep within ourselves

and only we know it.

That is the only thing

that keeps us

from becoming like them.

Machines

Machina

made to eradicate

to medicate

to constipate the world

with meaningless worry

and confined thoughts

all here to keep your eyes closed.

It was like you said,

A dream that love would stay

and keep the cold night at bay.

Intrinsic kisses melt onto your skin

at least thats how I remember

the way we used to be.

Trinkets in her hair

With sinister repose
the voices all have stopped
chanting, wanting,
to come out and expose

Her feelings
they make her crazy.
Because she opt's to love
the one who pushes daisy's

It's ok though
it's all been taken care of
by the wheeling and dealing
of her peers

Of ideas and emotions
that she should feel.
Compilations of memories
erased to keep her heels

Grounded in a pasture
by the green hills
where she can show off
her new skin

But I know who it is
what it is
and how much it is
and though I love you

I'm not willing to pay
the price of my sanity
in order to spend
blissful mornings in mourning

Due to your leopard pillbox head
with your loose moments
and tight ends
it's no surprise your lips carry death.

Distress is all the same
when it's you who carries my name
lips parted and embalmed
the bodies make amends

The soul though,
it's dead
and the love,
past it's expiration date.

Cali votes no on 19

No on 19 from California. Really?

What happened ya'll? Where you just TOO STONED to go vote or something? WTF!?!?!?

We still live in prohibition, and unjustly so. Undoubtedly the propaganda machine may have won this time around, but sooner or later we are bound to wake up from the fallacies beaten into us. Still though, to say that it was on the ballot says a lot. Next year California, next year.

Until then.

who_leo

Ode to Toofy

When I get home you are waiting
as I walk through the door it's you I see
you come up to me
and rub yourself all over
only to let me know you missed me.

You follow me through the apartment
making sure I find everything I need
you curiously make assessments of how I feel
by the way that I thread through my day
and yet you always manage
even on my darkest of moods
to peep a smile out of my blue way.

I appreciate your kindness
your love and your care
though I know that it will be short lived
for even though a cat has 9 lives
it only lasts twenty years.

Truth, so simple and beautiful... cuts so deep, bruises that wont heal

When you deal in truth, you are dealing with something that a lot of people do not want to hear, or experience for that matter. Most importantly, people who aren't familiar with truth will often recoil and turn away. Why? Well, it's like sun to vampires, or silver to werewolves... Truth simply hurts them. It can also backfire, and this is something that one must be prepared for as well. Solace must remain with you, oh truth bringer, and that's the fact that truth will prevail. Through all of the muck and lies that people try to feed you, the truth you will know as is, and nothing more for there are no facades in truth only faces, no personas just people. Having prepared myself for this, I know that there are those who already know me as someone who speaks truth, and is not afraid to do so. To those people I say, you will fail miserably at the hands of your own demons, the lies you've so carefully built up for yourselves will crumble and drown you in the end. Nothing good ever comes from being a liar, not in the long run anyhow, certainly I hope your instant gratification was good enough for the karmic repercussion you've brought upon yourselves.

So I dare say, and this I mean to one specific person, one man whose lies lay beyond anything I care to comprehend. You have been marked, and your lies will follow you forever, until you finally find rest in your cold grave.

Trip to a third world country

It's capricious of me
to think that life moves on
without giving a second thought
to the things we have lived and done.

So you tell me,
would you be able to sleep at night
even though your conscience weighs down
your pillow so hard
that you might as well sleep without one?

For it's your own doing
of choosing and brewing
these feeling of exasperation
towards the lights and flickers
of society's plight.

So wither
and hither forth
towards your new beginning
at some far off port
where your emotions all get sucked
into the black hole in your soul
and you forget the eyes of the bored.

Letters to Debora

Sometimes in the morning, when I find myself thinking of you, I simply try to remember the snide comments, the way you talked down to me, and the people you hung out with. Suddenly, I feel a lot better about not knowing you, and being able to live free from it all.

I still miss your kiss though.