"A shudder comes o'er me-
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well;-
Long, long shall I rue thee,
Too deeply to tell."*
*-When we two parted; Lord Byron
Short stories, poems, among other play things. A constant work in progress. Forever changing.
18 December 2010
Tristes apariciones
Don't ask what you can do for the world, for the world is lost in itself. Don't ask what the world can do for you, for the world is lost in itself.
It's not about the love anymore.
It's not about the war.
It's not about the forgotten.
It's not about the ones we keep.
It's about you and me.
And a million stars in the heavens burst out suddenly lighting up a starless night.
Like the kiss of a troubadours lips that leave you aching for more
You will remember me for always.
It's not about the love anymore.
It's not about the war.
It's not about the forgotten.
It's not about the ones we keep.
It's about you and me.
And a million stars in the heavens burst out suddenly lighting up a starless night.
Like the kiss of a troubadours lips that leave you aching for more
You will remember me for always.
Post 100
Today I woke up with a hang over.
Yesterday I swore in the American flag.
Earlier in the week a minister asked me to take out the trash.
A few months ago I realized I wasn't alone.
Over 6 months ago I felt one of the greatest let downs ever.
7 Months ago I was part of an amazing music festival, Orange Blossom Jamboree.
9 Months ago I was in Love.
10 Months ago I started to fall for someone I found extremely amazing.
11 Months ago I was with someone who didn't want to be with me, but didn't mind fucking.
12 Months ago I met Ssica, and in one night she changed my world, never to be seen again.
It's all been a crazy ride on this blog so far. When I left Myspace I had about 9,000 views, and averaged about 30 viewers a month. Sadly this was over the span of about 8 years, and my writing then wasn't even formed, twas just blocks of text of me bitching about something or other. This time around (must be the different medium) I'm averaging about 100 viewers a month, and since September 9th, over 500 people have come to visit and read what is within these pages.
Thank you.
Heres to hundreds of more posts, to more deliberate explosions of emotion, and the exploration of the human spirit. To Marie, and all of the people who inspire me to seek truth in the world. I really do love ya!
who_leo
Yesterday I swore in the American flag.
Earlier in the week a minister asked me to take out the trash.
A few months ago I realized I wasn't alone.
Over 6 months ago I felt one of the greatest let downs ever.
7 Months ago I was part of an amazing music festival, Orange Blossom Jamboree.
9 Months ago I was in Love.
10 Months ago I started to fall for someone I found extremely amazing.
11 Months ago I was with someone who didn't want to be with me, but didn't mind fucking.
12 Months ago I met Ssica, and in one night she changed my world, never to be seen again.
It's all been a crazy ride on this blog so far. When I left Myspace I had about 9,000 views, and averaged about 30 viewers a month. Sadly this was over the span of about 8 years, and my writing then wasn't even formed, twas just blocks of text of me bitching about something or other. This time around (must be the different medium) I'm averaging about 100 viewers a month, and since September 9th, over 500 people have come to visit and read what is within these pages.
Thank you.
Heres to hundreds of more posts, to more deliberate explosions of emotion, and the exploration of the human spirit. To Marie, and all of the people who inspire me to seek truth in the world. I really do love ya!
who_leo
17 December 2010
Late night thoughts after a coconut ice cream bar
I did something very unbecoming of me. I went to speak with a Lutheran Minister the other day. Well, I wanted to talk to someone who I could relate to in a basic manner, mostly on that of moral standing. Most interesting part of the conversation was just being able to hear myself say certain things which had been just kept inside, internalized. It wasn't a good place for them, nor for my own psyche to be dealing with them in that manner. Loosing what I strode for was certainly not the best thing for me, I lost sight of what my future should be and are now in a position where I find myself malleable to ideas.
I still have my dreams, and they will come to bear fruit soon enough with hard work, I'm sure this is a very possible thing. I certainly hope it could move along quicker, but being just one of those situations that take time certainly it cannot be rushed.
Something else was reassured to me, that one should not feel bad for those who cannot be helped. If they wanted help, then they wouldn't have done the things they did, though addicts always tend to send mixed messages, it's easier to just take everything with a grain of salt. Something about being able to let go though, gives me peace of mind. After all, it is most certainly important that I get myself through this, rather than to try and help anyone else before hand.
Still though, I will always love those people, and hold their memory very dear to my heart; though certainly, they must be kept at arms length if not greater distances. They aren't meant to be near, for as their self destructive nature cyclones around them it sucks whats near into a nucleus of most heinous destruction, nothing stands a chance.
After all, hanging around with individuals who are just bad people, no matter what your intentions are, is just bad news.
With that, I leave off for now.
I still have my dreams, and they will come to bear fruit soon enough with hard work, I'm sure this is a very possible thing. I certainly hope it could move along quicker, but being just one of those situations that take time certainly it cannot be rushed.
Something else was reassured to me, that one should not feel bad for those who cannot be helped. If they wanted help, then they wouldn't have done the things they did, though addicts always tend to send mixed messages, it's easier to just take everything with a grain of salt. Something about being able to let go though, gives me peace of mind. After all, it is most certainly important that I get myself through this, rather than to try and help anyone else before hand.
Still though, I will always love those people, and hold their memory very dear to my heart; though certainly, they must be kept at arms length if not greater distances. They aren't meant to be near, for as their self destructive nature cyclones around them it sucks whats near into a nucleus of most heinous destruction, nothing stands a chance.
After all, hanging around with individuals who are just bad people, no matter what your intentions are, is just bad news.
With that, I leave off for now.
16 December 2010
My head is up in the clouds
These past few weeks I've had a lot on my mind. One thing in particular has bothered me quite a bit. Thing is that after I've spent years, and I mean YEARS, talking to my friends about not doing prescription medicines as a form of "getting high," I am now prescribed to them. It's weird how the world works. Nothing else eases the pain though, what else am I supposed to do? Pot is not legal where I live, hence I am unable to acquire it. Only thing that is left for me to do is to take those little white pills, and wait for the pain to subside.
I've lost my footing. I was doing real well there for a while, being the person which people came to to talk about getting off the stuff, and how to live without it. Now, it's not so easy to face them and tell them that I am officially consuming these substances as well. Granted, I have a doctors note, and a legitimate reason to take them, but I still feel like there is no more liability on what I say.
I can say this, that I still don't want to see any of the people whom I care for get involved with these drugs, I don't want to be on them either. They make me sleepy, dopey, and numb out more than just my aching back. My mind has suffered, my social interaction has suffered even more because of it. It has made me into a zombie of sorts. I hate it.
Now I wait for a series of surgeries which will hopefully return me to a more mobile state, able to work and fend for myself, I'll finally be able to get out of moms house... again. Really shitty part is that I came here to keep her company about 2 years ago, then the accident happened, and a short stay has turned into an undetermined amount of time. Without being able to work for this time, I've managed to rack up some bills, and lost some people. But what am I gonna do? That is life, and I guess I must live it the way it was dealt to me. Still, no reason to not want more out of it. I do want to do a lot of things still, like see Ireland, England, visit my friend in Japan... All of these things, I must keep in mind. Something to live for. I lost that for a minute there, and it was scary.
w_l
I've lost my footing. I was doing real well there for a while, being the person which people came to to talk about getting off the stuff, and how to live without it. Now, it's not so easy to face them and tell them that I am officially consuming these substances as well. Granted, I have a doctors note, and a legitimate reason to take them, but I still feel like there is no more liability on what I say.
I can say this, that I still don't want to see any of the people whom I care for get involved with these drugs, I don't want to be on them either. They make me sleepy, dopey, and numb out more than just my aching back. My mind has suffered, my social interaction has suffered even more because of it. It has made me into a zombie of sorts. I hate it.
Now I wait for a series of surgeries which will hopefully return me to a more mobile state, able to work and fend for myself, I'll finally be able to get out of moms house... again. Really shitty part is that I came here to keep her company about 2 years ago, then the accident happened, and a short stay has turned into an undetermined amount of time. Without being able to work for this time, I've managed to rack up some bills, and lost some people. But what am I gonna do? That is life, and I guess I must live it the way it was dealt to me. Still, no reason to not want more out of it. I do want to do a lot of things still, like see Ireland, England, visit my friend in Japan... All of these things, I must keep in mind. Something to live for. I lost that for a minute there, and it was scary.
w_l
09 December 2010
Art dies, art lives.
My laptop has crashed. It will not turn on. It is officially DEAD.
5 years plus of writing, journals, and just random stuff all gone. I stopped using it so much, hence why I haven't been writing like I should in here, but the other day I went to turn it on and... nothing. Not even a boot screen, just darkness.
Well, the last time I made a back up was like 6 months ago, or sometime before all of this medical shit started. Somewhere around there. So much happened, though I wonder if it's just better that these memories/proofs of life then are gone now. Might be much better off this way.
5 years plus of writing, journals, and just random stuff all gone. I stopped using it so much, hence why I haven't been writing like I should in here, but the other day I went to turn it on and... nothing. Not even a boot screen, just darkness.
Well, the last time I made a back up was like 6 months ago, or sometime before all of this medical shit started. Somewhere around there. So much happened, though I wonder if it's just better that these memories/proofs of life then are gone now. Might be much better off this way.
08 December 2010
Life and Death
I had a thought today:
As a hopeless romantic, when I die it will be much like the way I came into this world.
At night.
Alone.
All due to a series of unfortunate events, stemming from a womans love.
And it's alright.
As a hopeless romantic, when I die it will be much like the way I came into this world.
At night.
Alone.
All due to a series of unfortunate events, stemming from a womans love.
And it's alright.
Mitigation in my mind
Days like today, nothing matters.
I feel dead, tired, over worked.
Yet, nothing has happened.
Nothing, again.
If one expects change, one should create it. Right?
Every time I deal with the world,
The world bites back.
Every time I deal with people,
I see the ugly faces pop up again and again.
Addiction,
Sexual,
Or chemical,
It's all the same really.
A need for people to forget.
I keep running into these two demons,
Over and over again.
All I want is some peace of mind,
Knowing that you wont walk away
To get high on dope
Or be with someone else.
Just be there
As I would for you.
But no
It's never like that.
There are always preconceptions
Of notions meant to alleviate your "pain."
Don't you know though,
That through your actions
You end up hurting everyone around you?
Here I am,
Another day with nothing to do.
I'm a little glad,
Somewhat sad,
But still I'm here
And there is nothing pulling me down
Except me.
I feel dead, tired, over worked.
Yet, nothing has happened.
Nothing, again.
If one expects change, one should create it. Right?
Every time I deal with the world,
The world bites back.
Every time I deal with people,
I see the ugly faces pop up again and again.
Addiction,
Sexual,
Or chemical,
It's all the same really.
A need for people to forget.
I keep running into these two demons,
Over and over again.
All I want is some peace of mind,
Knowing that you wont walk away
To get high on dope
Or be with someone else.
Just be there
As I would for you.
But no
It's never like that.
There are always preconceptions
Of notions meant to alleviate your "pain."
Don't you know though,
That through your actions
You end up hurting everyone around you?
Here I am,
Another day with nothing to do.
I'm a little glad,
Somewhat sad,
But still I'm here
And there is nothing pulling me down
Except me.
06 December 2010
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Respect
Where has it gone? Who has it anymore? I for one do not understand where I went wrong, or if I event went wrong at all.
Get a call from a girl, whom I fancy, and she wants to hang out! I'm like "swell, of course I'll hang out!" So she meets me at her friends house, where I meet some pretty ok people. From there, we chat, we all go through our motions and our arbitrary conversations where we get to know one another. Things seem very well.
Suddenly, a group of people show up delivering the blues... not the music, but the substance that South Florida seems to be so infatuated with. She changes. She starts talking to their driver, and begins to ask me if I can score some pot for her. Sure, I say. I try, but come up dry. "Oh, I have some at home, we can just go pick it up real quick..." He says.
About an hour passes. A twenty minute thing has turned into much longer. I don't know what to think, I'm tired of just chatting it up with people whom I don't know. I'm done. I pick up my shit, and leave.
She wanted to spend the night, so she says. She wanted to hang out and talk, so she says. Then why leave me with a group of total strangers as you go off ridding with some schmuck. I don't get it. No respect, as a great comedian once put it. No fucking respect.
Don't tell me you want to hang out, then leave me to go "chill" with someone else. Don't tell me you wanted to be with me, when you leave me for some guy who just turned up. What am I, chopped liver? I just don't get it.
There is no respect left, there is no real understanding of people left. It's only garbage, or so it seems. Bob Dylan once said something along the lines of send me someone who is not a fucked up person, and I will give my life to you. How right he is, to this day.
What happened to respect.
Where has it gone? Who has it anymore? I for one do not understand where I went wrong, or if I event went wrong at all.
Get a call from a girl, whom I fancy, and she wants to hang out! I'm like "swell, of course I'll hang out!" So she meets me at her friends house, where I meet some pretty ok people. From there, we chat, we all go through our motions and our arbitrary conversations where we get to know one another. Things seem very well.
Suddenly, a group of people show up delivering the blues... not the music, but the substance that South Florida seems to be so infatuated with. She changes. She starts talking to their driver, and begins to ask me if I can score some pot for her. Sure, I say. I try, but come up dry. "Oh, I have some at home, we can just go pick it up real quick..." He says.
About an hour passes. A twenty minute thing has turned into much longer. I don't know what to think, I'm tired of just chatting it up with people whom I don't know. I'm done. I pick up my shit, and leave.
She wanted to spend the night, so she says. She wanted to hang out and talk, so she says. Then why leave me with a group of total strangers as you go off ridding with some schmuck. I don't get it. No respect, as a great comedian once put it. No fucking respect.
Don't tell me you want to hang out, then leave me to go "chill" with someone else. Don't tell me you wanted to be with me, when you leave me for some guy who just turned up. What am I, chopped liver? I just don't get it.
There is no respect left, there is no real understanding of people left. It's only garbage, or so it seems. Bob Dylan once said something along the lines of send me someone who is not a fucked up person, and I will give my life to you. How right he is, to this day.
What happened to respect.
04 December 2010
I saw you last night
Again with this. Stay out of my dreams. How is it you manage to get in there. I don't even want you there, I don't even think you belong there. My own body wakes up after feeling you crawling through my head.
02 December 2010
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