Desperately Seeking Ssica

It all started simply enough. We just wanted to have a good time. By the thousands people gathered at the Miami American Airlines Arena and the lots around it. December 31 was upon us all, and we had nothing better to do but to party. Like a good lot soldier, I had my fill of mushrooms and alcohol by the time I headed towards the gate. There, I was given an extra ticket to miracle away. Thats when I first saw her. She was sitting with 3 of her friends, she jumped out at me especially, because of her dreads and eyes, a gleaming blue hue that glistens in my vision even now. She didn't want the ticket, she'd just gotten hers. I went on to give the ticket away, and on my way back I was greeted by affectionate hugs and kisses from her.

Fast Forward

I'm standing in the hallway of the busy arena with my friend who has just been accosted by someone trying to steal his ticket. Luckily, the situation was easily thwarted, and fists did not need to be thrown. I'm dancing to the sounds of the band as they make their way through out the building, everyone has a special step to their swagger tonight. I see her out of the corner of my eye, she moves to my moves. She sneaks up and kisses me again. Her lips try a second time, I hold back hoping she'll return for more.

Fast Forward

Walking through the hallways of the American Airlines Arena edifice, one feels tiny. With the hundreds of people who are making their way around it's not hard to get lost in the rumble of humanity. I make my way out to the patio with my friends wife. I bum a few cigarettes while we chat with some people. She goes back to the show, I continue on. I head to the larger pavilion where I run into a fellow dred head. There we continue our conversation from the last festival I saw him at. The band is doing well, all the kids are happy. I head back in to see more of the show.

Fast Forward

After my friend and his wife had left, my compadre Pablo Stevens and I made our way outside. Now who should be standing there but this same hippie girl. We flirt back and forth, I am hindered in thought by the boomers as well as the creep who has been hanging around her for a while. She is from Ohio, Cincinnati. Her name is "Ssica." She has 3 older brothers, who (from what she tells me) are more than aware of the life of tour. Her feet are dirty, but in a cute way. Her smile glistens as her new toothbrush falls from her bag, and the saucers in her eyes stare deep into my own. She is staring into my soul. I feel her penetrate my psychic barrier, if there ever was one, and I feel heavy hearted. In a fit of pure insanity I decide to leave.

I say good bye, and turn around. I think to myself how much I wanted a real kiss from her all along. I walk back to her, and lightly tap her on the shoulder. Ssica... She stares into my eyes again for what feels like an eternity, I lock my lips with hers. A squirming coil, lustful wonder kiss.

Fast Forward

I am in the truck, we are driving past her. I yell at her to go to the pets show. She yells at me telling me to go to the beach. I ask which one, she responds "All of them!"

Fast Rewind

It's before the Phish NYE show. Pablo and I are sitting on the tailgate and there is this dirty hippie guy with a weird rock thing, he says it takes the masses of chaotic energy, and reorganizes it into something workable. I grab it, and make a wish... I wish i could meet her, the one. My Hippie Girl.

Fast Forward

It's the day of STS9, she said she'd be here. I arrive early at the lot. It's always interesting to see the people who frequent these shows. I'm hoping to run into Ssica.

Fast Rewind

It's the 1st, I'm in the car with Steve and Darren from Particle. Sammy had me pick them up from their hotel. They seem tired and worn out. The weeks festivities seem to have taken their toll.

Fast Rewind

She tells me to go to the Particle show with her that night. I told her I couldn't, my ride was leaving.

Fast Forward

I'm talking to Steve about Ssica, and how odd the whole thing has been. He agrees that it is a strange occurrence indeed.

Fast Forward

I'm sitting in a full lot, there are hippies everywhere. Tanks are going off in the distance, and although it's been 5 hours, I'm still waiting for Ssica to show up. I run into many a friendly faces in the meantime, so it's ok. I feel like I get ripped off by a hippie momma who is just throwing some game in the lot. I still eat the tab, but I'm doubtful. It's not till later that I realize it's real.

Fast Forward

I'm standing in a dark hallway halfway through my treck into the venue of the STS9 show. My friend from the inside has come through. I make it into the show unscathed by security, who I fly a peace sign to as I pass by. My search continues once inside. No sign of her. I end up in the upstairs lounge area having a drink. Sitting down and having a smoke, a thought of her eyes, that blue ocean of majestic and infinite possibilities comes to mind. The way she smiled so freely, and flowed with the music. A Goddess, a Lover, a Kindred Spirit.

I am walking through, when someone approaches me and asks for a light. I can't help but oblige, and spark conversation. Justin as it turns out, shared my hopeless romantic ideals. He was also here in search of a girl.

Although we both were here for the same reason, let it be known that we both had very different situations though much the same. Although I was certain I had Ssicas heart, I was not sure if I could ever find her in person. When Justin had his girl in front of him, it was uncertain from his part whether or not he had her heart. He brought her across state lines, hoping that this would be the spark that they needed. Here I was, at the STS9 show Ssica said she'd be at, looking for her, hoping this is the catalyst that would initiate a change upon themselves just the same.

Fast Forward

I'm walking down the sidewalk, screaming Ssica at the top of my lungs. The alcohol and acid have taken the best of me, senses and emotions are intermingled in a cluster fuck from hell. What am I to do? I couldn't find her. I was sure she'd be here. The world is warping too fast for time to make sense. I find myself wondering through the streets and flow of the crowd. Voices intermingle, warbles of words and snorting mixed in with a hiss and coughs from the smokers. A cop is walking behind me. I catch him out of the corner of my eye as he is riding on my shadow, hoping the hippies wont notice them. I instinctively call out 6-up.

Fast Forward

He is leaning on a tree. Just getting bailed out of Dade County Jail, he seems somber as can be. It's just getting to me, he says. It's finally catching up to me, I can't believe that all of this shit happened, it's just too real... does anyone have any Ketamine? I'll take some Ketamine right fucking now. He slumps further into himself, lost in his own emptiness realizing he is helpless. Nothing can help him now, it's time to wake up and smell the roses.

Fast Forward

I type the following into my blackberry during The Heavy Pets STS9 after show:

Love, it will make you do the darnest things. Travel to the end of the world, Lands untouched by thought graced with a mere vision. Of the life, the love. here i sit, after looking all night for her, seeking Ssica. Nowhere to be found. I had to give it one try. One fucking try. It is not without a battle that I will go down. I walked these lots, in search of something so pure, so unrelenting, that nothing could stop me. Although I sit here, lost in the haze of the evening, I am aware that the unattainable can be reached. I had it, held against my lips, in a truest form of lust and wonder. Her lips. i wanted nothing but to hold her hand one more time. One kiss, one nod. She is now lost to the wilderness of the world. I am aware, yet unaware of the true reach and grasp of this IDEA. I am a lover, forever lost within the land of wondering souls. Will I ever find her? My Goddess? Where are you? Embodied in a thousand and one forms, within the minds of us all. 

I love you.

Fast Rewind

Like in the song Simple by Phish "What is a band without skyscrapers?" You know? Justin says. Like, you are the skyscraper, and you are reaching up above, beyond the normal bounds of reality. We are the skyscrapers.

Fast Forward

I'm sitting at the beach. I drove to Atlantic and A1A, parked my car, and waited for the sun to come up. There, I thought about what she'd said, about going to the beaches. It had been a while, I only live 20 minutes from it. What could her name be... Her real name... I wondered and wondered, until it came to me. Ssica is short for Jessica.