Waking up with a cramped neck

I woke up this morning

with a bite mark on my neck

it's as if a vampire sucked my blood

and fed off the rich amber plasma

pumping through my veins.

I am distraught

though not surprised

for blood suckers

theres lots of them hiding about

and usually easy to spot

unless you are blind

and unbeknown to their dance.

I don't know where this one came from

or how it came to be perched upon my neck

it's not as if I haven't had to host

one or two parasitic worms in the past

but this time I didn't even know

I was feeding the fires of their desire

by letting my heart pump with blind rage

at the disfiguring games they admire.

Now one wonders

how to dispatch this succubus

from draining life

and keeping the myriad of dreams

from surfacing through to be writ.

It's as if everything is stunted

when theres not a reason to be trumped

by the freedoms and the thoughts

that life ought to be on point.

These blood suckers though

they sure know how to hang on

and drain every drop of repose

that you have saved for yourself.

Shortly after a questionnaire

Walking down the isle
like a sly cat on the prowl
I'm heading towards the place
where they lend out relief
in white bottled pills.

There he is
out of nowhere the one
who took away calm
and peace of mind
stole the wind from my wings
it's ok because today I notice
that his smile isn't free though
it aches of the things he's said
weighs heavy with guilt.

I'm still moved
in one way or another
not by him
but what he's now come
to stand for, after all
he's just another coward
hiding from the shades of
yesteryear.

It is her
who I wish would just realize
that there was nothing to pick
or emphasize about our quirks
which could have led us to where
we are. Nothing at all
could have made us
turn like we did unless it was fed
through our ears
by some sociopathic creep.

We were his dolls
and he's had his fun
watching us dance away
from something we knew would last.
I ought to call you a hypocrite
but the one you cheated was yourself
by listening to his lies. It is sad
that you hurt us both from the start
by Heathing to the words of vigilant Usopp.

Pretty Little Princes

Pretty little princes wants a gun
pretty little princes wins the throne
with a bang bang here
and a bang bang there
her dispositions are scattered everywhere
like the blood of the king
and the guts of the queen
when they said "no little girl,
you wont have any more."

Pretty little princes warms her gun
pretty little princes had some fun
little did they know that her games oft drew
the wretched wicked souls of sinister ploys
willing to dispatch in order to fuck
the princes of their dreams
on the dresser
by the floor.

Pretty little princes wants them all
pretty little princes kills the pawns
with a cake full of poison
and drinks full of drugs
so they die with their hard-ons
and their panties in a bunch.

Pretty little princes asks the pope
with pretty little pleases forgiveness sought
in the end we all pray
and we beg to be saved
now it's her on her knees
as the priest smiles with ease
lips tight 'round his prick
and pockets full of lyre
he lies as he says "salvation is here."

Pretty little princes plays her games
pretty little princes crowned by his holiness
made the queen that she dreamed
that she would and could be
all for the moments
she believed would seem real
which ultimately slipped away
like needles through veneer
into veins lost for years
under her elaborate garbs
where the scars can't be seen.

Pretty little princes is all grown up
and as you would have it known
She is now our queen
as she smiles her pearl smile
and as she dances with her sires
one of them slips her a kiss
and steals the one thing he desires
behind closed doors
sheets crumpled and tossed
he says "I love you"
she replies
"you must be nuts."

So she wears him out
and he covers her so
hoping to draw out
the commodores son
"that young man with the tan
and the eyes of a wolf
let him come to me now"
she is oft heard herself in thought.

One night she commands
that he stay in her lands
and so they must do
if they are in love with their lives.
She invites him for drinks
on a veranda under the stars
and sip after sip
they begin to loose charge of their pedigree
soon like dogs they attack
each others necks as if wild
in their passion and lust
as he mounts her she smiles
thus she looses her mind
as his seed sought and wrought forth
the able son she'll admire
and spoil and teach
until he himself is a sire.

Pretty little prince likes his throne
Pretty little prince wants to have some fun.
Now let's just see if mother buys him a gun.

In the last days

I'm in a lot of pain. I'm going through hell. This is what you wanted to avoid when you said you couldn't be near me, I get you. Though I do wish, that you'd sticked around. Would have had someone to talk to, converse with and that would have meant the world to me. You know, the reason why I wanted you then was because I knew this was coming. A time when I would be immobile, for a long time, and in pain, constantly. Was it so wrong to want someone then? So wrong to need someone to share love with for the last time? All I was asking for was the chance to love you, to show you something I wouldn't be able to show anyone for a long time, if again. That I could love you, that I could hold you and make us come together. Now, I am powerless, weakened by the ravages of not just time, but also this life I lead. My back is twisted and torn, and I will never be able to be that man I once was. Never able to go into the wild, out into the edge of reality. I am here, and will be forever. In my pain, in my 2D kingdom, as you live life in 3D. If I regret something, it was letting you go to him so easily. If I regret something, it was loosing you too soon. Now I'm here, alone, cold, without human touch, in chronic loss of thought, doped up, giving up.

Links are all broken

Life has taken a turn
one which I do not agree with
they will cut deeper
I will have to take their seeds
and sprout trees of addiction
when I'm the weakest and most unavailable
when I am in need of something else


All along I needed some one alongside
to at least hear me out
and tell me it is going to be ok
when my own hope dwindles
and reality sets in so hard
that it finishes breaking my back.


Reality is
there wont be anyone.
Fact is
we are born alone
and we die alone
and what happens in the middle
we are really just lucky for.

Sleep

Still you've made your way
deep into the crevices of my dreams
all while I'm asleep and without conscience
I don't even know how to explain why.


There were times I felt like you read my mind
that I did things you wanted without parting your lips
and now here you are again
in my head
in my sleep
conversing.

Blank

Bad news suck.

Not living because of it sucks more.

Imminent retirement.

Everything is over.

Johny Cash - We'll Meet Again

I heard this, just fell in love again. LOLz Don't know where, don't know when. But I know it will happen again.

Never say Never I guess. Life takes us down some strange paths.

Him and Her

"Him."
make a due
with a message
hoping that she knows
the recent passing
of an order to the heart
from a mind that has found
one for which it can stop
and think
and think
and think
though it is not enough
the message must come though
I wonder what she'll do.
It's 2 am and I will say
"Hey, great time here
wish you were near."

Send.


"Her."
What the fuck
again with this crap
can't he just see
it was all in a lark.
How obtuse
2 am and he's out
getting drunk and confused
he sure is lost in his thoughts
if he thinks that I care
to know that he's there.
I should just shut off my phone
so he leaves me alone.
Good-night fool.



"Chorus"
So they went on
he just wanted her love
she just wanted to be alone
it wasn't anything beyond truth
that made them both seek excuse
to believe in the dues
and the prices they paid
to be lost in the verse.
So diverse these two
yet unable to truly communicate.
Shame to see them loose their heads
to the red queens offence.

Crumplestilstkin

Crumplestilstkin lives in a rut
in a hole
on a wall
all built around the hall
where he paces
back and fro
like he's in some sort of race
with his shadow
always behind
it's no wonder he's lost
look how it follows
as he paces from the hollows
making every trip
up and down the strip
with his eyes on his back
and his hands on the road
never to share this world
with anyone but his shadow
the one that tried to eat him
the one to get away from.

Just cos you don't see it
it doesn't mean it's not there.

We all have demons
it's a question
of which we are willing to share.

I dunno, why even read this?

mother fucker
i fucking just want to write
but nothing comes out
except this vulgar
coagulated
thought of a spew
that doesn't even
make one bit of sense
I say
what the hell would
I think if I looked back at this
and said "those were the times."
I'd rather lay dead.

Ninth and Holy Day Rd.

Increments of wax melt off in the sun
as the finer points of stars
begin to wither in the dawn.

Making out with the night
the sun burst escapes
over the horizon near the shore
shaping up a bright new day.

"Shall we share
some of this spare change?
I made it out of nowhere
with my road dog and my strings."
Her lips purse like springs
a lazy smile sticks out
from under her weathered hat.
"I've always wanted to try those
you know
the ones they have here.
Nowhere else man,
this is the last place."

It's not like it's forever
that anyone tried to look
but it was a nook
that they laid under
after their last meal
hoping to keep the cold at bay.

My weeping angel.

Manic Mondays
Seep into Wednesdays
all along it's just another day.
Constitutions are broken
moreover tranquility
when the kiss of her lover
will never be felt again.

It comes as easy
as the last storm
does onto the mariner.
Locations never matter
especially to the blind.
It never turns you over
hoping that the sun will shower
your pastures forever
all done in a lark.

Imaginations all flower
in an instant it's soon done
distant callers aroused
in their apprehension
to the passing
of a lifetime.
Yet as it lays there
the one true love
will live on in minds forever
or at least until it's their turn.

My thoughts on New York

This is a blog video from over a year ago, previously unpublished. Gonzo Journalism at it's best? LOLz

Insurrection

Contradictory to you
and to me
is the reality of the situation.

No one knows
or feels
that there is a sane evaluation.

Of the things
that we
thought wold cause hesitation.

When the bulk
of trees
uprooted the grand foundation.

Because

It's not just
to thread
on a land left for the vegetation.

For man
woman
to taste these revelations.

I cried
to sleep
thinking of your emancipation.

To think
that I
worried about that separation.

When truly
you see
it was a plan of out most perfection.

everyone needs a rest

Taking a few days off from this thing. Certain events have occurred that leave me wondering about a lot of other things. Will be back soon though.

RIP Adam H., I'm more than sure you'll be missed.

who_leo

Dear Marie,

     I don't know if you'll ever read this. I almost don't care, but just in case you do I thought I'd share that Bob Dylan's "Blonde on Blonde" album is like a retelling of our short time together. It's almost as if he knew us, and wrote it all down. Weird, I know. Though if you ever do give it a listen, think about it. I guess we weren't the only ones to go through what we did. Funniest part is the fact that now we wont ever see each other again, at least not on purpose, and if so it wont be any time soon. My Sammie-Sam-Sam has helped me a lot to forget about the things we did to each other. I'm glad, especially because I felt like such an idiot. Sam, whose known me for over a decade, reminded me that people who are as her and I deserve so much more than just a fling, more than just a passing face. Though, I must really thank you. It's been a hell of a learning experience. In a way, I've learned to not take things so seriously, and to just relax. Also, to not trust so easily. To not let other men get in the way of what I want. To not allow time and miscommunication to destroy friendships by rotting away at them. Really though, thank you. You've been an inspiration.

who_leo



If you want to know more about the album, click here.

Jimi Hendrix-Day Tripper

Music speaks through all things, emotions, and relative commonalities in existence. love=music.

Making it up as I go along

making amends
is not easy
when you've torn the world
into a million pieces
spread them across
to the stars and galaxies
beyond the reach
of all the things you've dreamed of
so hard to find again
that they wont even fit right in.


it's alright
because nothing is meant to last
everything decays
and that is fine
because even the kiss
of a lover you miss
will one day be a bitter reminder
even though you smile at each other
even though your caress is new
to another
one day it will seem cold and dead.


the pieces that once fit
are obtuse like the mind
that once held them dear
and kept them free
for a world full of dreams and dreamers
where the truth of the matter
is that nothing will ever sound the same
not even when you smack
the same empty words
from your lips to their ears
every time
it feels like a brand new day.


it's not like anyone thought differently
have some more scar tissue on your plate
let the mind take a brake
feel up the ridges of your fissure
only scream when the aching starts again
serrated teeth eat at your insides
shitting out the nights' insight
while you die from it's decay.

Stiltsville: a study of peace.

A clear blue sky
an ocean so blue
the birds they fly
above the dew

Morning comes
with a soft cool breeze
eyes creek open
as the sun warms the skin

Freedom from Babylon
from the traffic
the illusions of people
and their paper faces
here in a place
where calm is more
than just a slow flowing wave
here my heart races
with the rays of the sun
and the trickling water
which soothes the soul

Kindle in the fire

Last night I dreamed
that your kiss wasn't toxic
and that your words rang true
that your hair was still blond and
these hands traveled you
from head to toe
your lips spread for me.

Keeping to your words
I sang a tune of awe
to the smile that you gave me
and I learned to kiss
without my lips.

If only you'd let me
have some more time
with your soft caress
this dream of mine
would have been
just another reminder
instead of a lost wish
upon a well where the lost
children end up dead.

Just in case.

Dear Time Travelers,

     WTF!

Sincerely,
me.

PS
No, seriously, WTF.

Every time I'm with you, I am drunk, and so are you.

I still can't believe that YOU would listen to what some schmuck drugged out pill dealer would tell you, and let something that WE felt was so right, just slip right through our fingers.

So what if I told people how I felt? Did that really bother you that much? Seriously, it wasn't anything so bad, it was just me expressing my want and need for you, a true emotion that could have changed our worlds because you felt it too. I never went as far as to tell anyone anything specific. And when I was sad, lonely, and felt left out I shared those emotions as well because I needed some comfort. Certainly you weren't there.

Sad thing is, that I believe you wanted the same. For a moment at least, before all of the diatribes and all of your friends telling you what you should or shouldn't do.

I knew it, because you and I shared something that I haven't experienced in a long time. You know what I'm talking about, and you shouldn't deny it. Our thoughts commingled, don't you see?

What now? Well, besides trying to forget you, and trying to get myself re-situated, I've got nothing else going on. Meanwhile, you travel the world. Not that I envy you, but I do. Because it seems like it was so easy for you to just walk away from this, like it never meant anything. You even tell me that it was all made up, and that it never happened. Do you think I'm that stupid?

You said I was peddling shit, but I never did such a thing. If you remember (which I don't know if you can, but just in case you can) I never had money. Don't drug dealers have money? Don't they spend lavishly? Because my poor self certainly didn't. I was having a hard enough time trying to just survive. Yet your friend the jack of aces is selling hard core synthetic heroin to people. Yeah, and you were one of them. You think I'm blind? Deaf? Dumb? Well, I have brighter eyes than I let off, because I saw a lot more than you think I did.

For what it's worth, I tried to save you by showing what you were doing to yourself through me, although not to the extremes that you ACTUALLY go to. Didn't it suck? Yeah, well thats how your friends feel. How do you think people react when they know you are all pilled up, or shooting up in some dark room, forgetting everything, letting go of your own self in order to attain some peace when peace was right in front of you all along.

Of course I wondered if all those times you were good to me, nice to me, it was just you fucked up on some drug or another, not giving a damn about me but just seeking your instant gratification. And you had the gull to call me a Taker? You have got to be kidding me. I know all of these things now, and I wonder how you will feel about them a decade from now. Will your upper echelon jobs save you? Or will you still remember all of these sour memories like I do. Will your veins still welcome that needle, will your body still shake and ache without the alcohol. Will you ever realize you are cornering yourself?

Yeah, you know that night, before mothers day? Well, he kept twisting my words, turning them against me. He even said that his purpose was to get me out of the way so he could have you for himself. I'm not so selfish, and maybe that was my problem. So tell me, am I right about that? Didn't it just seem like he wanted me out of the picture? Didn't you feel pressured? Because I sure did.

I miss you. I do, because a friend and a lover like you doesn't come around very often, if at all. As they say, it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. And I loved you. I hope you can understand what that means, and all of the emotions that it entailed from my part. If only we'd been patient. If only that Jack ass hadn't intervened.

Oh, my "ideal friendship," right, that was me trying to accommodate to you. Because I wanted to make you happy. Though now it seems like I never really could have. Since I didn't have money, or cocaine, or heroin, or Roxy's, or any of your tall tale emotional band aids you use to hide who you really are. If only you'd realized your true beauty, the amazing strength of spirit that you harbor within yourself. But no, you let HIM drown you out with drugs and alcohol, all meant to stunt your mind. And the few times I tried to open you up he stunted by selling you drugs and telling you that I was some fucktard, when you two should have been looking in the mirror all along so you could see what was truly wrong. I hope you are happy, I hope you enjoy your life "helping others" while you destroy yourself and make your body a wasteland. Do you know why you didn't get pregnant? Because your body was too toxic to give any life. And if you had, last thing I would have wanted was a child born not just addicted to all of your pills, but also with fetal alcohol syndrome.


"What the hell else are we supposed to do?." - Sparklehorse - Every Time I'm With You.

Tracking thoughts lost

sleepless mornings
spent away
dribbling on about
without a thought in mind
except the deceit
the lies
of human kind



why must we be
so cruel to one another
all along
we just wanted peace
we just wanted to let go
to be free from all of this



it's hard to appreciate
the things that you have
when you've got so many
it's easy to forget
how important they are
until they are gone
and you can't quite
feel the breeze



It all seems
like a well built facade
from his part
into her heart
from a night
when nothing should
and could be
brought forward



because he wanted me out
of the way
so he could bring her about
to his way
all along all I wanted was
to sleep in
but I could never get
myself to sleep
knowing his lies
brewed so deep



so who do you trust?
the one who feeds you poison?
or the one who tries to wake you up?
and do you even know
who plays what part?



being the judge
you made your choice clear
giver her some more opium
her mind is not at ease



.

Something submitted to an internet radio stations' web site.

CAUTION!!!! STRONG LANGUAGE IS USED IN THIS POST. IT'S MOSTLY FOR SENTIMENT. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED, THOUGH IT IS RECOMMENDED IF YOU WISH TO KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THE SOCIETY YOU CURRENTLY PRESIDE IN.




                I’ve been battling how to go about doing this, but whatever, here it goes. PILL HEADS ARE FUCKING STUPID! Ok. There, that seems pretty simple, something they might understand and maybe enough to jargon the memory of the numb to the following:

                All around there is a huge problem with pills. It’s not so much the people, as much as it is the companies who are pushing out these extremely addictive meds in huge numbers, cashing in from every single addict out on the streets who is using it up their nose, on some tin foil, or in their veins. Now hear me out, and pay close attention, and think about this with an open mind. If you are reading this and are one of those people, you need help. If you don’t do something about it, you are just going to rot away. As they say, “you better check yourself before you wreck yourself.” I definitely mean Check into a rehab facility.

                This doesn’t just happen with individuals who are on the streets, heavens no. Those people are smoking crack, or injecting heroin, doing “dirty drugs.” It’s the upper echelons of our society that have taken the mentality of “because a doctor can prescribe it, then it’s good for me;” it is a “clean drug” and not a problem. RiiiiiiiGHT. Unfortunately it is the addictive nature of these prescription drugs that gets people stuck in its clutches, those who often are either trying to get rid of pain, or find them arbitrarily in their lives through others they know, become victims to this EPIDEMIC. Either way, it is something that destroys just like any other addiction one may encounter. So be careful.

                In the recent years I have lost more than a handful of individuals to the pharmaceutical companies, it’s just that I wish I could say that it’s because they landed an awesome job or went out to become superstars. Sadly, be it through death or just having to cut myself off from them, I have found that some just drift away ridding on their modern day dragon into the clouds of their high, not having one care in the world. Because the high they chase is more important than their own welfare, that of their family, or anyone around. Some will do what it takes to keep their supply and buyers going, anything at all, like set someone up, rob, steal, and lie amongst other wrathfully deceitful things. Such is the price people pay for drugs, in particular OPIATES.

                So why put this on Bitch Slap Radio? BECAUSE I JUST DON’T GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE! Because I’m fucking tired of having people around me who I care for loose themselves in something that is just so fucking obscene and life draining. I mean, HAVE YOU LOOKED AT YOURSELVES LATELY? Is it normal for people to look like skeletons, sunken eyes, chapped lips, empty looks and nodding heads? NO! What the fuck are you thinking? Do you seriously believe that what you are doing to yourselves is OK? Do me a fucking favor, and just stop breeding. Let YOU be the last of this fucked up line. Besides, who would take care of your children anyhow? Those who are pill heads can barely stay awake and forget what they are talking about in the moment as they are saying it, what they said to you in the past including promises and just conversation in general, they become COMPLETELY UNRELIABLE! Just not worth having around. PERIOD. It’s sad that most of these people are actually worthwhile individuals who have lost themselves into the void. Sweet dreams, dreamers.

Sincerely,

One Pissed off who_leo

.

Heroin Kisses, Save Me

There was never anything
that her amphetamine dreams
couldn't conjure up
for her mind to be pleased
even if just
momentarily.

Her kiss intoxicated
my mind like a heroin overdose
little did I know
it was just a side effect
of the drugs she was on
that we were on.

It all changes so quickly
when the spilled ashtray
throws all of the roaches
and the used condoms
onto the floor
of our small one bedroom.

It's not like it's the first time
and surely it wont be the last
for the number of arrests
always climbs
inside my heart.

Though I must say
the intoxication lasts
only if her lips
are moist
and willing to part.
My sour amphetamine girl
leaves a trail behind
of carcasses she discards.

My thoughts on Digital Suicide

I ran into a suicide machine:

http://suicidemachine.org/


I'm thinking about using it.

I mean, what would it mean to just cut off my FB, right? Who would mind. Besides the fact I get some readers from there, that wouldn't be that big of a loss. The people I do talk to, I do so in person, phone, or e-mail. FB is more of a game than anything. I'm seriously concidering it. My friend told me about it, and I said to him that we ought to make a FB suicide club, where a bunch of us just off our FB. Might not get that big of numbers though, whatever. I would miss the off shoot contact I have with some family that lives over seas. Otherwise... I would do it right now.

Besides, people take that stupid networking site way too seriously. If people can get upset over FB, then as a whole we aren't mature enough to use something like that. I think loosing all that baggage would be a welcome relief.

I was the fury in your head

HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It feels wonderful.

Walking awkwardly into a room full of you

Lame duck Oh lame duck
walks into the room
swear to you
lame duck
what is it with you




Everything is now lame duck
sheets on the couch
cigarette butts on the carpet
the scratches on the fridge door
laughter from the chorals
and banter from the weak
have left us in awkward standing
another weekend rambling
about the should & shouldn't haves
of a woeful world




lame duck, oh lame duck
you haven't even tried
to change your life
but by the things that you said
it all seemed so nice.




Lame duck, oh lame duck
make sure they all hear you
quack.
No reason to fight off the infection
if you keep poisoning your mind
behind everyone's back




Lame duck, oh Lame Duck
Look at your walk
always peeking over your shoulder
and waddling your back
hoping someone will see you
maybe someone just might
catch your attention
and it's off to a new start




.

When I erased them all

When you realize
that I deleted all of them
 for you, and that I
pushed you away
for your own good,
will you forgive me?
Or still be angry.
 I will never know,
and somehow thats o.k.

Because they were not really
my friends anyway.
We all know about loyalties
and the last thing
that you needed
was someone telling you
how I felt.

You were always too good for it
and I made sure you didn't hear
anymore.

On walking away.

Last night it hit me
 it felt wonderful
the weight was lifted
 if felt wonderful

I knew it existed
peace without you
I'd just lost it
in our deranged

frenzy

because to loose you
was loosing a part of me
because to know you
was knowing a part of me

Now that it's over
time rolls by
as our four leaf clover
strolls on by.