Letters from Dumbo

I don't want to say or write anything because I don't want to give you the pleasure of knowing that I feel like complete shit. Not because of anything in particular. I just do. My whole situation is a bit much to handle for me alone, and the only thing that I can hope to do one day is to lay in a wooden box where I wont bother anyone anymore. Ultimately, this is golden for me. My pain, physical and emotional will all go away, to not bother me or anyone else. Wouldn't this be grand?

I think so.

I'm sad because I thought that I would do something amazing, or at least be part of something grand. Now, I'm just as good as dead. I've wasted my life with useless satisfaction. Turned my own self into the worst enemy I've ever had. Oh, and how I pay for it. Maybe this will even raise a smile from your lips.

These cats are the only ones who love me unconditionally, and that kills me inside. Knowing I had you once, and now you are gone to never be seen or experienced by me again. You, the woman of a thousand faces, with a million smiles and three thousand reasons to stay away from me. If only I had known better than to get anywhere near you, at least it'd only be me who I'd hurt and blaspheme against. Still it wouldn't change the fact of what I deserve.

Intro to destruction

Contenders in a race

we all loose trace

of the eminent faze

through which we'll raise

our spirits high

when the time is nigh

when the time is...

I've lost my rhyme

my battle spirit.

I've let it froth over

and burn away in the fire

of forgetfulness

and indecision.

Complete with an automaton

set to explode

we make our way into the void.

It's like you said

nothing ever really lasts

the only thing that we hold true

is deep within ourselves

and only we know it.

That is the only thing

that keeps us

from becoming like them.

Machines

Machina

made to eradicate

to medicate

to constipate the world

with meaningless worry

and confined thoughts

all here to keep your eyes closed.

It was like you said,

A dream that love would stay

and keep the cold night at bay.

Intrinsic kisses melt onto your skin

at least thats how I remember

the way we used to be.

Trinkets in her hair

With sinister repose
the voices all have stopped
chanting, wanting,
to come out and expose

Her feelings
they make her crazy.
Because she opt's to love
the one who pushes daisy's

It's ok though
it's all been taken care of
by the wheeling and dealing
of her peers

Of ideas and emotions
that she should feel.
Compilations of memories
erased to keep her heels

Grounded in a pasture
by the green hills
where she can show off
her new skin

But I know who it is
what it is
and how much it is
and though I love you

I'm not willing to pay
the price of my sanity
in order to spend
blissful mornings in mourning

Due to your leopard pillbox head
with your loose moments
and tight ends
it's no surprise your lips carry death.

Distress is all the same
when it's you who carries my name
lips parted and embalmed
the bodies make amends

The soul though,
it's dead
and the love,
past it's expiration date.

Cali votes no on 19

No on 19 from California. Really?

What happened ya'll? Where you just TOO STONED to go vote or something? WTF!?!?!?

We still live in prohibition, and unjustly so. Undoubtedly the propaganda machine may have won this time around, but sooner or later we are bound to wake up from the fallacies beaten into us. Still though, to say that it was on the ballot says a lot. Next year California, next year.

Until then.

who_leo

Ode to Toofy

When I get home you are waiting
as I walk through the door it's you I see
you come up to me
and rub yourself all over
only to let me know you missed me.

You follow me through the apartment
making sure I find everything I need
you curiously make assessments of how I feel
by the way that I thread through my day
and yet you always manage
even on my darkest of moods
to peep a smile out of my blue way.

I appreciate your kindness
your love and your care
though I know that it will be short lived
for even though a cat has 9 lives
it only lasts twenty years.

Truth, so simple and beautiful... cuts so deep, bruises that wont heal

When you deal in truth, you are dealing with something that a lot of people do not want to hear, or experience for that matter. Most importantly, people who aren't familiar with truth will often recoil and turn away. Why? Well, it's like sun to vampires, or silver to werewolves... Truth simply hurts them. It can also backfire, and this is something that one must be prepared for as well. Solace must remain with you, oh truth bringer, and that's the fact that truth will prevail. Through all of the muck and lies that people try to feed you, the truth you will know as is, and nothing more for there are no facades in truth only faces, no personas just people. Having prepared myself for this, I know that there are those who already know me as someone who speaks truth, and is not afraid to do so. To those people I say, you will fail miserably at the hands of your own demons, the lies you've so carefully built up for yourselves will crumble and drown you in the end. Nothing good ever comes from being a liar, not in the long run anyhow, certainly I hope your instant gratification was good enough for the karmic repercussion you've brought upon yourselves.

So I dare say, and this I mean to one specific person, one man whose lies lay beyond anything I care to comprehend. You have been marked, and your lies will follow you forever, until you finally find rest in your cold grave.

Trip to a third world country

It's capricious of me
to think that life moves on
without giving a second thought
to the things we have lived and done.

So you tell me,
would you be able to sleep at night
even though your conscience weighs down
your pillow so hard
that you might as well sleep without one?

For it's your own doing
of choosing and brewing
these feeling of exasperation
towards the lights and flickers
of society's plight.

So wither
and hither forth
towards your new beginning
at some far off port
where your emotions all get sucked
into the black hole in your soul
and you forget the eyes of the bored.

Letters to Debora

Sometimes in the morning, when I find myself thinking of you, I simply try to remember the snide comments, the way you talked down to me, and the people you hung out with. Suddenly, I feel a lot better about not knowing you, and being able to live free from it all.

I still miss your kiss though.

Waking up with a cramped neck

I woke up this morning

with a bite mark on my neck

it's as if a vampire sucked my blood

and fed off the rich amber plasma

pumping through my veins.

I am distraught

though not surprised

for blood suckers

theres lots of them hiding about

and usually easy to spot

unless you are blind

and unbeknown to their dance.

I don't know where this one came from

or how it came to be perched upon my neck

it's not as if I haven't had to host

one or two parasitic worms in the past

but this time I didn't even know

I was feeding the fires of their desire

by letting my heart pump with blind rage

at the disfiguring games they admire.

Now one wonders

how to dispatch this succubus

from draining life

and keeping the myriad of dreams

from surfacing through to be writ.

It's as if everything is stunted

when theres not a reason to be trumped

by the freedoms and the thoughts

that life ought to be on point.

These blood suckers though

they sure know how to hang on

and drain every drop of repose

that you have saved for yourself.

Shortly after a questionnaire

Walking down the isle
like a sly cat on the prowl
I'm heading towards the place
where they lend out relief
in white bottled pills.

There he is
out of nowhere the one
who took away calm
and peace of mind
stole the wind from my wings
it's ok because today I notice
that his smile isn't free though
it aches of the things he's said
weighs heavy with guilt.

I'm still moved
in one way or another
not by him
but what he's now come
to stand for, after all
he's just another coward
hiding from the shades of
yesteryear.

It is her
who I wish would just realize
that there was nothing to pick
or emphasize about our quirks
which could have led us to where
we are. Nothing at all
could have made us
turn like we did unless it was fed
through our ears
by some sociopathic creep.

We were his dolls
and he's had his fun
watching us dance away
from something we knew would last.
I ought to call you a hypocrite
but the one you cheated was yourself
by listening to his lies. It is sad
that you hurt us both from the start
by Heathing to the words of vigilant Usopp.

Pretty Little Princes

Pretty little princes wants a gun
pretty little princes wins the throne
with a bang bang here
and a bang bang there
her dispositions are scattered everywhere
like the blood of the king
and the guts of the queen
when they said "no little girl,
you wont have any more."

Pretty little princes warms her gun
pretty little princes had some fun
little did they know that her games oft drew
the wretched wicked souls of sinister ploys
willing to dispatch in order to fuck
the princes of their dreams
on the dresser
by the floor.

Pretty little princes wants them all
pretty little princes kills the pawns
with a cake full of poison
and drinks full of drugs
so they die with their hard-ons
and their panties in a bunch.

Pretty little princes asks the pope
with pretty little pleases forgiveness sought
in the end we all pray
and we beg to be saved
now it's her on her knees
as the priest smiles with ease
lips tight 'round his prick
and pockets full of lyre
he lies as he says "salvation is here."

Pretty little princes plays her games
pretty little princes crowned by his holiness
made the queen that she dreamed
that she would and could be
all for the moments
she believed would seem real
which ultimately slipped away
like needles through veneer
into veins lost for years
under her elaborate garbs
where the scars can't be seen.

Pretty little princes is all grown up
and as you would have it known
She is now our queen
as she smiles her pearl smile
and as she dances with her sires
one of them slips her a kiss
and steals the one thing he desires
behind closed doors
sheets crumpled and tossed
he says "I love you"
she replies
"you must be nuts."

So she wears him out
and he covers her so
hoping to draw out
the commodores son
"that young man with the tan
and the eyes of a wolf
let him come to me now"
she is oft heard herself in thought.

One night she commands
that he stay in her lands
and so they must do
if they are in love with their lives.
She invites him for drinks
on a veranda under the stars
and sip after sip
they begin to loose charge of their pedigree
soon like dogs they attack
each others necks as if wild
in their passion and lust
as he mounts her she smiles
thus she looses her mind
as his seed sought and wrought forth
the able son she'll admire
and spoil and teach
until he himself is a sire.

Pretty little prince likes his throne
Pretty little prince wants to have some fun.
Now let's just see if mother buys him a gun.

In the last days

I'm in a lot of pain. I'm going through hell. This is what you wanted to avoid when you said you couldn't be near me, I get you. Though I do wish, that you'd sticked around. Would have had someone to talk to, converse with and that would have meant the world to me. You know, the reason why I wanted you then was because I knew this was coming. A time when I would be immobile, for a long time, and in pain, constantly. Was it so wrong to want someone then? So wrong to need someone to share love with for the last time? All I was asking for was the chance to love you, to show you something I wouldn't be able to show anyone for a long time, if again. That I could love you, that I could hold you and make us come together. Now, I am powerless, weakened by the ravages of not just time, but also this life I lead. My back is twisted and torn, and I will never be able to be that man I once was. Never able to go into the wild, out into the edge of reality. I am here, and will be forever. In my pain, in my 2D kingdom, as you live life in 3D. If I regret something, it was letting you go to him so easily. If I regret something, it was loosing you too soon. Now I'm here, alone, cold, without human touch, in chronic loss of thought, doped up, giving up.

Links are all broken

Life has taken a turn
one which I do not agree with
they will cut deeper
I will have to take their seeds
and sprout trees of addiction
when I'm the weakest and most unavailable
when I am in need of something else


All along I needed some one alongside
to at least hear me out
and tell me it is going to be ok
when my own hope dwindles
and reality sets in so hard
that it finishes breaking my back.


Reality is
there wont be anyone.
Fact is
we are born alone
and we die alone
and what happens in the middle
we are really just lucky for.